I suspect a lot of divorced women are just receiving defacto welfare.

I.e. even when they theoretically receive alimony or child support, the government has trouble pulling the money from their exes (because they disappear or quit their jobs) and the state fronts the money.

On the other hand, some men really are being bled dry and not getting their visitation and custody rights respected.

Both can be true. 

 I also think that there are many truths here. Unfortunately, there is often a lack of fairness in dealing with the situation. There are too many feelings and disappointments involved. Which is unfortunately to the detriment of the children. 

 Agreed.

The worst seems to happen when people feel like they need to preemptively act. That causes a reaction and then a reaction to the reaction and...

I suspect that this is partly fear-based chaos because the current system is failing people, so they can't calm down.