It is not /meant/ to be private at all. The priority here censorship resistance, just like Bitcoin. Now given censorship resistance, you can work on privacy and security, or at least thats how I've constructed it in my mind.
From Vitor's Amethyst repository:
> Privacy and Information Permanence
Relays know your IP address, your name, your location (guessed from IP), your pub key, all your contacts, and other relays, and can read every action you do (post, like, boost, quote, report, etc) except for Private Zaps and Private DMs. While the content of direct messages (DMs) is only visible to you and your DM counterparty, everyone can see when you and your counterparty DM each other.
If you want to improve your privacy, consider utilizing a service that masks your IP address (e.g. a VPN or Tor) from trackers online.
The relay also learns which public keys you are requesting, meaning your public key will be tied to your IP address.
Information shared on Nostr can be re-broadcasted to other servers and should be assumed permanent for privacy purposes. There is no way to guarantee the deletion of any content once posted.
And Mike Dilger's Gossip:
> Privacy Options: in case someone wishes to remain secret they should use Gossip over Tor - I recommend using QubesOS do to this. But you could use Whonix or even Tails. Don't just do it on your normal OS, because on a plain OS sometimes data leaks around Tor (things like DNS lookups). Gossip supports using native TLS certificates so you can configure trust for .onion sites. Gossip provides options to support privacy usage such as not loading avatars, not loading images, not necessarily sharing who you follow, etc.
i'd also add that even VPNs can be a problem on linux on wifi with a malicious device on the same LAN via a recently discovered exploit that amusingly doesn't work on android VPNs, there is a workaround, i forget what it's called just now, but the wireguard people have published a mitigation you can set up involving linux kernel namespaces (this is why it doesn't work on android, android extensively uses namespaces)
also i'd further add that the relays only can *surmise* your NPUB based on the frequency of your queries for it, especially requests for your profile and follow list, but with auth they know for sure at that IP lives that NSEC
anonymity on nostr requires the use of a VPN, but i think that even as lightweight as a VPS with wireguard like i use still deflects any cheap attacks on my location because it will say "romania" and ALL of my traffic (on my phone as well) goes through it
and my VPS provider doesn't KYC me so even if they go there and subpoena all they then get is my IP address here, which is in yet another jurisdiction and i could easily make it even harder by chaining two of these together, for example one to kazakhstan and then one to romania, good luck with that
cost me USD$35 for a whole year btw, up to 9tb traffic per month, and better than a dedicated WG vpn service because the IP is not associated with VPN services (i still get some sites pissing on me because they see a VPS IP address owned by a VPS provider but they don't know whether the origin is there or elsewhere)
I know it's not, but I have seen people say it is.