Musings... Aug 30th. 2021 

Her nervous system had really taken a toll, double pneumonia less than three weeks ago, smoke filled days, the trauma of fire season, emotional eating, lack of movement laying in bed for a month with lasting fatigue, the world seems so grim, she notices the deepening wrinkles around her mouth not there from laughter and she reminds herself a few times a day today to turn her inner smile on, as she slowly finds her way back to a more active and proactive daily rhythm. She's blessed she can care for herself and give herself all this time to go through this rites of passage in a non rushed way. 

She's headed to the store... As she enters in she remembers to turn her inner smile on that puts a glimmer of a smile on her face and immediately she receives a smile and eye contact back by another woman and that feels good, real good... and she makes a turn she notices a tall handsome guy not far behind the woman who is also not wearing a mask and they exchange a more neutral quick eye contact, and she keeps going... She does know now he is looking at her as he waits at the cashier's line, she could sense it with the eyes on her back. She makes a couple turns around the veggies isle confirming that yes he is looking this way and their eyes meet for a quickie sec, and she keeps going. 

She's here to really only get toilet paper. She ran out and it's her third outing cos she keeps forgetting that was her mission the other two times too amongst other errands. She grabs celery too and joins the line. 

First thoughts, probably a wife or girlfriend awaits him home. Or he got the V. But hey maybe not. 

She thinks... Well, a guy may be attractive but what's in his grocery basket, what does he eat, what does he put in his precious body temple. So she quickly scans the conveyer belt. Hmmm... Not feeling quite in resonance there. 

Though, he is quite attractive. A kinda rarety. She checks his posture. Is he standing up like a King? A leader? Got confidence, strong and straight? He looks pretty close. His arms look strong. She evaluates it's his diet that has congested his liver that has his pectoral muscles being pulled down having his shoulders forward a bit (she can't be too big of a critic, she has an awkward back curve herself that is an insecure spot for her and she is actually kinda out of shape). Not sure about his outfit, but for all she knows he was just working out... There can be a real solid man beneath these baggie shorts. 

There's attraction she feels and smells it in the air the pheromones are flying strong. They are both aching to look at each other for a min... and they finally do, they actually lock eyes for quite a few long seconds when sweet smiles come to both their faces. He lip syncs a "hello", he's three people down the line though so a conversation is not in the flow... (Or it could have been, but he would have had to be the guide to that). She smiles bigger and blinks her eyes in acknowledgement as a hello back. And the moment ends. Looking away... He is paying for his groceries and leaves... He takes off. 

And that's that. 

Maybe they'll cross paths again. Though, she thinks she would have easily given her number out or said yes to an invitation for a date. But that did not happen. 
And the moment is gone. He would have had to have a real drive to make that happen. He did not. 

Maybe this was just a practice in holding longer eye contact, smiling and being flirtatious learning how to indicate openness, attraction and an invitation for connection after 7 long years of single-hood for her or maybe none of that and just a sweet fleeting delightful moment of connection with a handsome tall stranger at the store. 🤷🏻‍♀️ nos.lol