Can someone explain why I start a project, go full steam, lose focus, lose direction, lose self confidence, and then the universe tries to keep me from completing my goals?

I feel like either I am afraid of success, or something else is afraid of me becoming successful? I dunno this is me venting into the Nostr void. 

I just want to create something meaningful that helps many people. Then if those people found value in my help they would help me too. 

If you have any advice for a lost soul asking tough questions like this and you have some advice. Please reach out to me. I could use some help right about now.