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 But... How? How will the CIA use CBDCs to traffic drugs and humans? How will they pay off others to do dirty work? How could you bribe a senator or banker?  
 They will use bitcoin.  Peasants get the CBDC. 
 I'm not so sure about that since BTC is secure but not exactly private.  
 Qualified immunity.

They will use monero, gold, cocaine and hookers, that they either seized or bought with commodities 
 CIA stands for Crack In Abundance 
 I suppose gold could be used again, but that will just drive gold demand up, which wouldn't be too terrible, except in sure they will limit the CBDC to hard money ramps, if not outright eliminate them for anyone else.  
 Yup. 

But many commodities can serve as money, albeit inefficiently. Rum in Colonial Australia. Tide laundry detergent among 1980s Food Stamps recipients in California. 
 Yes. But that's not as efficient as a fat stack of $100 bills. 

I just am concerned that I'm missing something simple and effective.  
 If you think of it, let us know! That's usually considered cryptocurrencies' UVP, especially after crackdowns on cash and precious metals.