Oddbean

Not everything we think needs to be said. If everyone paused a moment before posted, the world would be a better place. Rumi, the Sufi poet, offered these thoughts: Before you speak, let your words pass through three gatesAt the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?”At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”~ Rumi

I love Rumi and Quakers, but I have to push back on this.. It makes sense, but that makes it too easy a camouflage for tyrannical controls. For example, the UK government can say the people they arrest had it coming because they should have thought it out before saying something objectionable, and at least half the population accepts it. Its moral camouflage. Say your stupid thing. If its offensive, fuck it, it should be offensive to call something offensive. You have a right to exist without being perfect. A perfect world is not full of considerate people - its full of inconsiderate people who aren't easily offended.

I agree. The challenge is a lot of folks aren't all that reflective and tend to ignore the feedback they need. If a person tends to self-censor too much, they need counsel to speak up more, even if it may offend. If a person tends to speak too much, they need counsel to shut up and listen more. If a person tends to speak too obliquely, then need counsel to speak plainly. If a person tends to speak harshly, they need counsel to speak kindly. Mostly we all need more practice, reflection, and feedback from people who care about us.

I just noticed your name. Are you an actual Quaker? I've been wanting to visit a meeting, or whatever its called (not denigrating, just not sure I'm remembering it right). Quakers seem to be the most conscientious, just from what I've read online, and I think that's the key.

Yep, I'm an actual Quaker. I agree conscientiousness is a hallmark of Quakers, online and IRL, but it needs to be continuously worked at . I'm a member of an unprogrammed meeting. Quakerism split a couple times in the 1800s, some folks went along more mainstream evangelical lines, others didn't (the liberal, unprogrammed). So we don't have a minister-- or put another way, everyone is a minister. It's interesting to see how things get done when no one's in charge. My meeting says "meeting" or "meeting house", not church. But I've never met anyone who got sensitive over the term. When I'm talking with folks who aren't familiar with Quakerism, I say "church."