Yeah, I know its hard sometimes. Its also true, that its easier the earlier you start, because fights just dont get that messy when they are very young and you (parent) can build expertise and confidence in staying 'neutral' :-D. 

 I thing about it like this now - the fighting is mainly due to status/hierarchy. The older one needs to establish (and secure, secure, secure...) his/her postion as first born. The younger one loves to challenge that. Seems so archaic, bit isnt this how we are wired psychologically?
I guess as a father I would start to think hard, if I noticed that the older one would pick fights constantly that are utterly unprovoked (and, dont be fooled, those younger ones are usually experts in challenging their older siblings in VERY subtle ways!). 

 I had to laugh because this is so right, the pecking order needs to be established.  I’m comforted by the fact that they show great concern for the other when one of them really gets hurt during rough housing or other types of play. 

 Yeah! I love to witness that, how can they fight so hard and then care so lovingly?! What a rich emotional life, no?  

 It’s also nice to see that at their unschool they are also given space to figure this stuff out, along with tools ( such as talking circles) to resolve issues together with adults. Sometimes the thought of a  talking circle will be enough to dissuade them of antisocial behiavor.  #parenting #unschooled 

 Haha! That last point "the thought of...". Not sure if that is a good thin? Not being rhetoric here, but actually wondering. Is it a penalty? And: I am very familiar with this phenomenon from the free school space. As an adult, what do you do, if a child did "misbehave" and when it comes to the point, where you want to adress it, you realize that he cannot stand the "standard procedure" you put in place? I guess its a problem of oberly elaborate "standard procedures"?