I identify as a statue 🗿 

 imagine walking by and seeing something like that 

 Statues of Priapus, the god of fertility, were common in gardens thousands of years ago. It featured a huge "member" which women rubbed when they walked by for protection. It could sometimes be detached from the statue to use as a club in case of invaders. 

 Sort of… https://image.nostr.build/014b7f6d2b47da26460dfc79bf9aa3737324acda1b676eda3a7e1046bdc93b10.jpg  

 First one is from Ireland