I don't think the mentality should be "if you don't want to manage your relays, go somewhere else, Nostr is not for you." The mentality should be, "How do we make relay management enjoyable, interesting, and intuitive to everyday people?" Otherwise enjoy posting notes to the same 20,000 people...
Both are wrong, users shouldn’t have to manage relays at all
I think that's fair to an extent. In an ideal world I shouldn't have to tweak anything, the client should just do it all for me. If I get too spicy and my content is being blocked on certain relays, the client should know that those relays are not for me an sub them out automatically for something more permissive. I don't know if that's a thing yet though. So if I'm forced to manage my relays, and I have to seek them out, I should have ways to know what each relay's stance is. Wine probably has the most information out there about their relay. I'd like to see more of that stuff.