And also they don’t use obscure shit like BIP304 signatures so they can be put onto a secure element
All the "hardware wallet" implementations for Bitcoin show that you can make a secure element for BIP340 just fine.
Specialized SEs != TPMs in computers, SEs in phones, etc
BIP340 are Schnorr signatures? From: https://trustedcomputinggroup.org/wp-content/uploads/TPM-Rev-2.0-Part-1-Architecture-01.07-2014-03-13.pdf Section: C.4.3 EC Schnorr "If a TPM supports ECC, it should support the TPM_ALG_ECSCHNORR scheme."