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 Lots of buying, so smaller UTXOs. I do have some change UTXOs that are indeed even below the threshold, but the worst ones are those that I consider "walking dead".

Meaning, if we ever went back to "normal" fee ranges, I could consolidate them. I would take a painful fee hit, but I could live with it. In the current fee environment though, the hit would be unacceptable.

I'd rather not move them ever again but still be able to count those sats as part of my stack, than simply give them away to the miners. 
 What are you talking about? Fees have been around 4 sats/vB for weeks - is that not normal? 
 I was about to say the same… this is the best you ever get.. 
 Haven't been on top of it lately because I have a life and I can't continuously monitor the mempool. For months they'd been over 15 and 20, so there's that. But thanks for the heads up, I may be able to save a few UTXOs if tomorrow morning if the fees remain like that.

All this furthers my point really, which is precisely how the unpredictability of the fee system, the difficulty of UTXO management and all the billions of sats lost as dust and dead UTXOs now and in the future, make BTC a lousy currency for daily retail transactions. 
 Again, what are you talking about? Combining small/dust utxos and putting them in a lightning channel makes btc a fantastic currency for daily retail transactions. 
 Keep digging. You're only making the hole deeper and making my point clearer. 
 Blocks coming in with 3 sats/vB now.  I suggest you consolidate to 1.5 to 2 Million sats per UTXO 
 My preferred size is 1 M, that's how I've been organizing most of my stack, although I may consolidate further, since I have no intention of spending or moving it at all in the foreseeable future.

Earlier this morning I already did some clean-up, at 4 sats/vB. 
 The future you will be grateful that you consolidated at 4 sats/vB 😎 
 You can DCA using Lightning exchanges like Robosats with small amounts or DCA with a KYC custodian until you reach 1-2 million sats and do a on chain payout. 
 I don't do KYC or LN.