Oddbean

…but at the same time this breeds homogenization. I mean, hands up for anyone who thinks they know exactly what they want, and that that feeling is in their best long-term interest… Algo-based filtering is limiting people’s experience with other people. And I remain convinced that we’re all terrible at knowing what’s best for us. It’s only through exposure to ideas and people that we grow - and that’s a lot less likely to happen when you can press a button to filter out what you *think* you don’t want/need. In my mind, it goes against the very essence of nature’s general preference for sexual reproduction. I think, instead, online dating on a species-wide scale makes it easy to find someone you are immediately able to get along with, but with limited differences and potential for growth - which leads to a shallow relationship and ultimately dissatisfaction. Yes, of course there exceptions. The dice are always being rolled. This is my hunch for the average human over time.

I mean, if we are really so bad at making our own decisions, why make them at all? Aside from choosing mates at random or having another person or algorithm, removed from the actual participants’ reasoning processes but laden with their own, choose mates for us, we still choose. This just allows us more chances to find what we’re actually looking for. It’s up to us to cultivate wisdom about what we should look for. Exposure to other ideas and personalities is important, but I don’t think the most important place for that is in one’s mate. In a monogamous and K-selecting context like humans who marry and raise children, sexual selection isn’t solely about maximizing differences, but does involve some degree of similarity so there is long-term stability. I was picky about a few criteria I’d decided were actually important to me after decades of consideration when it came to finding a husband, but anyone who knows us could tell you we are very different people except for that handful of points. At other times in my life, I might have decided something less important to relationship compatibility was a dealbreaker and made a less wise decision. My biggest gripe with existing dating site algos is they seemed to place the same amount of emphasis on “lightweight” similarities (like taste in movies) as they did on things that mattered much more (like matters of ethics). I think there’s definitely room for improvement there that’s achievable on the programming side.

Fair enough. I feel differently. I can’t help it but feel that if it’s so much better, why are divorce rates as well as marriage rates all on the decline in the western world (and a chunk of the east, too)?

I’m not aware of these statistics, but I maintain that giving people tools to help them find what they want is not the problem. What they want is probably the problem. Just like becoming wealthy doesn’t make you into a bad or high time preference person, but if you are this kind of person and become wealthy, “there will be signs” and you screw up extravagantly. Cultures can only be saved by encouraging the people in them to be wise and make good decisions. When prevailing trends point them the opposite way, I blame that, not tools that simply make reaching their goals more efficient. Jesus fixes this. Bitcoin can help a little.

Agree on all counts. Only thing I’d add is that the tools lack of friction for behavior A vs the harder behavior B pretty much guarantees a saturation of behavior A. That’s my issue. Not calling for online dating to be abolished or anything draconian like that. Like you, I’m in favor of seeking and disseminating wisdom. It’s been a necessary drive just for my own survival. I see less and less of that drive these days for many reasons. There’s this time pressure that seems to be at the core of things - maybe it’s @saifedean ‘s high-time-preference behavior due to an inability to plan/save for the future. Or, maybe it’s because much of our wisdom is passed down from our elders, and the current elders - generally speaking - have been far more self-absorbed than any previous generation (thats not up for debate - wealth distribution, alone, tells the tale). It’s almost like hubris, itself, is being handed down. 100%. Reading the Bible. While sitting next to the ocean. Under a starry night. People need to realize how small they are and seek out bigger things. Filtering the world to what they already think they know is biblically lethal.