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 The thing I like about strfry is that it doesn’t require a database.

Is haven easy to install? 
 Strfry does use an lmdb database, same as haven!

Haven easier to install than strfry for sure! And compiles way faster on shittier hardware  
 I’ll give it a shot. I like that it has nginx and systemd instructions right in the README. Looks like it has more functionality than I need.

Does it support NIP-13 PoW enforcement? 
 Well it's a personal relay, so it's really just for serving your own notes or for people to engage with your notes, so pow would be kind of redundant (why force yourself to use pow?) 
 Oh, then maybe this isn’t what I need. I’m trying to run a special-purpose public relay. 
 i could add this feature to #realy very easily... i've not looked at doing such things because i simply think it's a silly thing, and my relay https://realy.lol has SIMD SHA256 hashing on it so it's pretty fast, i think it's under 500ns to hash a message, and the canonical message format derivation is also zero allocation 
 it's written in go, same as haven, and it's based off relayer instead of khatru, which i think does stupid things with the concurrency, way too much of it in eventstore libraries

i completely rewrote the entire go-nostr library as well, everything is way faster, you can see here:

https://github.com/mleku/nostrbench

it's got the fastest JSON and binary encoder you can get... i have no idea what strfry's data encoding performance is like but i doubt it could be much faster than this 
 also, it already has a simple access control system based on the follow and mute lists of designated npubs, called "owners"

all muted npubs their events can't be stored on the relay and only the follows of the owners are allowed to access and must use auth