Oh shit! 🤣 

 Ooo yess the seat would be all nice and comfy. 

 Silent brown candles 💩
Drip drop next plop 🤣 

 as long as it's not liquidation 

 🤣🤣🤣🤣 

 I can't hear you, I'm on the toilet 

 oh, sry, couldn't hear you being there 

 Whaaaat? 

 Marvellous 

 Flush, shit into the flush, flush more if still floating. Noise blocking will never be good enough for the listener to not pick up the faintest signal that can easily be identified as the poodrop and/or fartsounds simply due to circumstantial evidence. If however there is a lot of noise, poodrop and fartsounds are hidden in the noise and cannot be identified. Much better cover-up. 
Flush, shit, flush.
How's this so difficult.  

 Then my kid pisses on top of it