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 There's no need to map ips to pubkeys, just pubkeys to ips. And pubkey to IP doesn't need a ledger. There is no need for a globally-synchronized naming structure. 
 But how do you solve the cold start issue? If all I have is a pubkey, how do I find the corresponding ip? 
 In a world where people write that data on chain, it becomes trivially easy to find and impossible to censor 
 Yeah, but chain operations become extremely expensive over time. 

> If all I have is a pubkey, how do I find the corresponding IP?

There are many ways, but you basically would have a boostrap IP that can download NIP-65-like events of other relays. We could even use WoT to ask your friend's client to become the Bootstrap relay. Once you have a list of available options saved locally, you can easily get updated records by just querying a few of them. And if they go offline, you update the list with new ones. As long as you know the IP of a single relay, you can get all the others. 
 Do you think there’s any future for a decentralized dns-like protocol for unique vanity names? 
 I am sure brands love this. So, I am sure it will be there in some form.