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 If you and your partner both have published 10050 DM relays, then it will use NIP-17.  Otherwise it has to fallback to NIP-04.

If it doesn't post to the DM relays and doesn't say ok=true, then maybe something is up with the relays? I'll look at my logs after I post this to see if it is just a change in how we are logging.

If the relay requires AUTH first, it remembers what it is doing (logged as "corked") and after AUTH it retries the corked subscriptions. 
 Ok we just don't log the "OK=true" anymore.  We only log the "OK=false".  But you can see the "Posted event to" lines to see all the ones that were tried.

Sometimes nothing is corked and retried if you don't authorize AUTH to a relay. 
 right, it says posted (but i wasn't sure if that was real because after that it kept saying ok=false)
 
 For the relays where it says "OK=false" it did not post there.  You can also check the seen-on data (hover over the eye). 
 weird, yeah afaik auth.nostr1.com accepts kind4 so i was wondering why it, (and other auth relays like the wine inbox) kept saying ok=false, it should have landed there if the auth was attempted.. 
 oh ok cool, i didn't know about the seen-on, yes indeed it did not make it to auth..
 
 yeah, this is all kind04 since hardly anyone has the 10050 yet.. unfortunately.  i have mitigated by re-adding blastr to my relay list so hopefully the 04 will make it somewhere they can read it..  the logs were strange only because i know for a fact auth.nostr1.com accepts kind4, and so i was expecting an eventual ok=true.. after the auth..