Back when I was much younger I was chilling in my apt.  when 2 cops knocked on the door. I was a bit surprised and waited for them to say something. 
“Sir, is so and so your car?”

I say - no it’s my girlfriend’s, why?

“Sir, it’s been totaled”

I’m like … what do you mean? It’s been parked for over a week and hasn’t moved. Are you sure you got the right car?

“Sir, it’s hard to explain, you better come have a look”

At this point I’m really curious more than anything. How in the world would a parked car get totally destroyed?!

I go downstairs to the covered car lot to see that my wife’s - then girlfriend’s car is missing and the roof of the car lot is ripped to shreds with tire skid marks leading out of the back. 

The cops wave me to a tree down the road where the car was half way wrapped around the tree. 

I couldn’t believe it and started laughing my ass off in total surprise and shock. 

I think you have an idea of the words that came out of my mouth next - they weren’t pretty. 

I guess the person who did this had a seizure behind the wheel while backing out and stepped on the gas full force until they pushed the car through the parking spot and into the tree. They were ultimately ok so that’s good at least. 

I had a tough call to make to my gf and try to explain that her parked car is no more. She couldn’t believe anything I told her and thought I was just trying to prank her. Then I sent pics. Her jaw dropped 😂 🤣 

 🤤Just imagine isn’t need to bring to repair shop 

 "Trust me, love, it wasn't me!" 😉🤣 

 My sister has written off two of my cars. One a tree fell on when she borrowed it, and the second she had at her place after dropping us at the airport and it got stolen. She has only borrowed my cars for about 10 days in 15 years, but that's the odds.  

 an old girlfriend of mine had one of those seizures when driving and ran off the road and fell into a flood drain, she was ok but the car wasn't, but after that she couldn't drive anymore after they did the EEG 

 Yeah right. Look. 

These are the facts:

1) Your name is Karnage.

2) And you drive like John Wick.