Oddbean

I think childless people have an unbiased perspective which is valuable. When I watch a spoiled child throw a tantrum, it’s obvious to me how the child was conditioned to behave that way. The parent denies the kid something and it cries. Parent feels bad and gives the kid the toy. The kid just learned a pattern. Next time the kid does it again and it works. Next time the parent says no and is firm on that position. The kid cries more intensely. Parent freaks out because the intensity is new to them so they give in. Now the kid learned to raise the intensity. It’s like the experiment that was done on rats where they were conditioned to press a lever for cocaine. Before that behavior can be eliminated, it intensifies. The rats would smash the lever repeatedly. That’s when parents usually fail and they fail because they’re emotional when they see their child cry. Raising a child isn’t very different from raising a dog. Keep in mind that ALL behavior is learned. A child screeching and kicking at the store for a toy is not instinctual. A parent may not see how they are training their child to behave that way and most other parents have kids that do similar things. That’s why getting advice from non parents can be very helpful.

Behaviorism applies to children too. They’ve developed a field of therapy called applied behavior analysis to work on autistic children. It’s the most successful and common treatment for autistic children with behavioral issues like tantrums. https://image.nostr.build/2483b914854beeaa4b0c6edd413949d2d16d40734884a16eee02cc2b5a36669a.jpg

Trying that tantrum on is likely instinct. Learning it works if you escalate far enough is 100% learned. Maybe purely operant conditioning in babies, but there is also intentionality and cognition at work in toddlers' tantrums. My boys were never indulged for tantrums, so they stopped at 2. Friends' kids I've babysat ARE indulged for tantrums so they continue. Until the second time I babysit them, then they just grumpy but respectful until mummy and daddy are back. Tantrums are the parents/caregivers fault. Always. But its usually fixable up until about the age the kids start to vote.

🎯 I always tell people to watch how kids behave around different people. Some will throw horrible tantrums around mom but not around dad. Some will be off the walls crazy at home but well behaved at school.