I've been losing in the winning department for a few years straight now, once your confidence in yourself is gone it's hard to find it again without shocking your system with a good leap of faith, at least I think, idk. could result in a leap of failure. I had all the confidence in the world in 2017 but it's gone for now. gotta change that.
it's good that you're more selective... seems your intuition is pushing you towards finding a setting in which you will not be sabotaged, but supported. there are actually good places & people out there.