Oddbean

my stab at it: ego is a sense of a person's self-importance. lack of ego might mean that someone has to derive his or her sense of identity from others. this may lead to people-pleasing, codependency, and manipulation. ironically, every interaction with others becomes about yourself. either extreme (too much ego or too little) leads to the same outcome.

A Narcissist has no Ego, contrary to what many think. They can't test reality, they are always in "flight or fight" mode ( survival mode). They "use" others to validate their lack of self worth. Others are extensions of them. We don't exist as an outside person, to them. If you stop to give thempositive kr negative reaction, hence validate them, they have to find someone that will or else they decompensate. in extreme cases they feel what is called mortification. Deep wound. If you kill ego, you loose the hability to test reality and defend yourself from danger.

I find it hard to understand. I feel like we all have egos and some have low EQ and low IQ and it just makes their egos really shitty. Transcending (killing) the ego, makes you a saint, so we rarely see anyone like that.

The Ego has nothing to do with IQ.... It's the part of the mind that mediates between conscious and unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. How can you be a Saint without the hability to meditate between conscious from unconscious? Narcissists can't perceive reality from fantasy.

Is a complex subject anyway. Testing reality is for example, you perceive something as dangerous, so you get into alert mode. A healthy person will use the Ego to understand (test reality) if the situation is really dangerous or coming from fear (unconscious). If is not real danger will act accordingly and relax. A person with an unhealthy Ego or without the capacity to test reality, will simply react. I am in danger therefore I attack, even if danger is just perceived and not real. Does it make sense?

This is more structured. In your latest example, both are conscious, just on a different level of the awareness spectrum, where the latter is less aware and more animal like, but that is not an 'unhealthy ego', hs/she is just less aware. The ego is never a healthful thing, and a narcissist is not one without an ego, nor one with an unhealthy ego, he/she has a properly functioning ego, which is unhealthful. Intellectuals are very egocentric and they often have visceral reactions when confronted. Losing the ego does not make you a narcissist, or less aware or an animal. You can be an intelligent individual and have no ego, you are a humble loving saint.