Oh ok gotcha. I'm always down to answer questions / give and receive feedback about bitcoin. 
When you get to the point that you want to setup your bitcoin and lightning computer that we call a "node" just hit me up. 

On my Bitcoin and lightning node, I have an app called RoboSats. I think this is the closest think to what you want to accomplish. Plus you can take it with you on the road and use it, or keep it stationary at home and access it from abroad. 
But only true bitcoiners will do this lol. 
(Just a little humor.)