I was once drinking beer while using a chainsaw to stand on one leg and lean over with one hand and cut a limb off and the thing I was standing on was not stable because I'm a genius 

when I fell down the chainsaw kind of went cha cha chop down my leg and it shredded my jeans but never broke the skin 

I was smart enough to say that it's Miller time and will pick this up tomorrow 

that's about how I didn't lose my leg but should have