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 Https://amboss.space/magma 
 So it looks like I need to purchase credits or existing LN funds to open? I currently have no channels so I can't send any LN at the moment. It looks like they're facilitating liquidity advertisements?  
 If you can't pay a lightning invoice then you'll have to buy credits. You can pay with another lightning wallet if you have one.
Magma is a central marketplace for buying liquidity and channels to your lightning node. 
 I can't get a lightning wallet if I can't get a lightning wallet :) 
 Use https://BancoLibre.com and referral code "fire" and you'll then be lightning compatible. 
 So I'm needed some kind of boostraping then? I was looking into looping because I can send on-chain funds for channel open. Also no KYC or smart phone for me.