Sorry you are having this kind of day… 

 All good brother,  i dodged a bullet today. 
(matrix.gif)

just a reminder to be responsible. 

 Guy I know worked construction. 

On a hot, sunny day he came to work with a massive hangover.

Foreman asked him to pick up some heavy pipes. So he squats to lift, and…

Moral of the story:

His pants got filled with poop. 

 I don't know how anyone leaves the house in the morning without taking a shit. I can't even make it halfway through cooking breakfast. 

 If you have taken great amounts of painkillers, don't gamble on farts. 

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