Breaking News… Bitcoin stored in cold storage and not with a government approved custodian can cause people’s internal organs to swell and burst. Reports are flooding in from Christchurch, New Zealand, where a 26 year old man  prolapsed this morning while buying a baked potato. Eyewitnesses said the man shuffled in a circle before a violent twitching overpowered him, and he collapsed. Seconds later, he babbled in an unknown language before his organs emptied onto the store floor drenching the area, and several bystanders, in blood and mucus. Politicians and police urge all Bitcoiners to be aware of the health risks associated with self custody and urge people to give over their private keys to a trusted government custodian before the anal twitching begins. G7 countries are having an emergency meeting in Brussels this weekend to put the finishing touches to their global campaign to keep citizens safe. “Make the switch before you get the itch’ is touted to be the message for Bitcoiners world wide. Stay tuned for more on this rapidly developing story.