Weve reached the point where we need experts to tell us which doors to open and close . Fuck me sideways.  

 I know this was a joke about cats , but the top article is prob real.  

 Firefighters say you should keep them closed to give you time to escape a house fire. It's like a choose your own adventure book, y'know?  

 Dude setup your lightning address so that people can zap your dank memes.