You will never be Irish. You will never be able to nourish yourself on potatoes alone. You will never be able to hold down whisky like the bottle it came in. Your offspring will never have hair like ginger fire. 

You are an imitation. A mockery of natures' perfection. This is what America does. It combines German, Anglo, Neanderthal, Barbaric and finally Irish DNA into a mutted form. You call yourself Irish and participate in Catholic mass twice a year then on St Patrick's day only to consume ounce after ounce of zogslop green beer. 

Behind your back, people mock you when you double down your 23 and me genealogy report card. It tells the story plain as day - You will never be Irish again. Your kind will never be anymore Irish than it is now. Ireland is disappearing.