The middle school recipe:

take that bag smash it into pieces
Open bag, pour in seasoning
Close bag, shake vigorously
Open bag, funnel down your gullet

I kid you not, this was very popular amongst the kids back in the day. 

 oh sir

this is my childhood

absolute war crime, but it was cheap 

 I remember seeing it and was like that’s disgusting, then I tried it and my world changed forever. 

 oh absolutely

gulping down microplastics on a macro level 

 Never did that, doesn’t sound like anything I would in middle school either. 

 There’s still time!