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 Babe, nothing can ever separate us.

Except for the comma in this CSV file. 
 I hate you, but I'm not IN hate with you. 
 I was writing a little #FollowFriday list for a friend, but figured I'd post it here in the event any of you aren't already following these 10 super funny people on beige.party. 

 @9072810a 
 @3fe52772 
 @c0539b88 
 @d698ad09 
 @a87224d8 
 @9d556a3c 
 @c2467489 
 @213adc88 
 @9626d6ea 
 @63540df6 
 If you think I’m flaky, you should see my corn. 
 Proposition to rename the Mandela Effect to Berenstainin'. 
 All I know is Albert Einstain is the godfather of physics in this weird alternate timeline. 

Just ask Bruce Springstain. 
 I don’t see color, I just see the quality of an object or substance with respect to light reflected by the object, usually determined visually by measurement of hue, saturation, and brightness of the reflected light. 
 Most of you know I cuss like a drunken lesbian sailor.  But since my transition started I've also... 
 @420f26f4 Oh my goodness, that's fucking adorable! 
 Whenever I’m alone at a coffee shop and another person walks in, I like to smile and awkwardly shift as if I think they're my tinder date and then act sad when they sit down with whomever they're actually with.

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/111/144/744/626/294/283/original/24d1b6e9ee3a2f22.jpeg 
 They're a 10 but they use Winamp without a skin. 
 My toxic trait is starting to tell somebody about something I read earlier in the day and then immediately remembering that I only read the headline. 
 Sorry, but I can't follow anyone else because this is perfect. 

If you want me to follow you, please tag the name of someone who I’m following who you want me to sacrifice to my demon overlord in order to make space for you.

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/111/131/334/830/771/257/original/36e2cae5bbe24593.jpeg 
 Happy National Daughters Day to all y'all daughters, but especially to Eddie Vedder. 
 My "sense of style"? Oh, you mean ComfortCore™️? 
 Where's the party at? 
 nostr:npub1jwzxgrkzwpfe3nxedwx4h4eflumjad6pcf7nhj9ehm4hu5fk0h5sycd2ah I love you. 
 @6ee90ca1 I know you love me because you have never tried to give me oatmeal raisin cookies and for that I love you too. 
 My neighbor keeps bringing me oatmeal raisin cookies and I’m like I get it, you hate me. 
 To everyone who forgot to recommend me for #FollowFriday: 

Don’t worry! You can make it up on #FollowSaturday! 
 Can someone please direct me to the setting that will auto-decline any same-day meeting invitations on my work calendar? 
 If it’s not possible to auto-decline same-day work meeting invitations, I’d at least like a calendar requirement for a meeting invitation window that’s long enough for my Xanax to kick in. 
 Improv groups would be better if they focused more on improving. 
 I was talking to someone and they started mentioning random streets in Los Angeles and my eyes were glazing over and finally I was like “listen, my degree is in Geology, not Geography” and that was the first time I used my degree since I obtained it over 16 years ago. 
 FYI that CVS has appointments available for the new COVID vaccine. I just booked mine for this Saturday. 

If you don’t have a CVS nearby, just check the websites for your local pharmacies to see if they have it yet.

Stay healthy and safe, friends! 
 I hope this email finds you well after office hours on Friday so I won’t need to look at your response until Monday. 
 I want to be the Grimace to your Hamburglar. 
 Normalize responding to forwarded email threads with something like “That looks like a lot of words. Can you please summarize so I can review?” 
 Last night was the first night I’d been in a movie theater since the start of the pandemic. 

@d698ad09’s cousin had a short film in a little film festival and it felt like something worthy of going to. 

I was kind of worried, but I was surprised to see how many people were wearing masks. Probably not an average representation of the population since we’re in Oakland, California and it was a queer film fest where people tend to give a damn a little bit more, but it made me happy, nonetheless.

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/111/024/400/021/312/242/original/b6f64dbbe2b2666e.jpeg 
 nostr:npub1jwzxgrkzwpfe3nxedwx4h4eflumjad6pcf7nhj9ehm4hu5fk0h5sycd2ah Prophylactic ceftazidime re... 
 @46cd5609 Don’t worry! I’m actually afraid of hotel hot tubs so I fashioned thing that’s like a gigantic Ziploc bag and I just sit in that whenever I’m in the hot tub, kind of like an Alice sous vide. 
 You all have fun in the pool!

I’m going to be over here getting romantic with this hot tub jet. 
 [Trying to flirt with my childhood crush]

“So, is there a Mrs. Wizard?” 
 How was I supposed to know it’s pronounced “Da Brat” like spoiled brat and not “Da Brat” like the sausage?

#funkdafied #johnsonville 
Event not found
 Can somebody tell me how to set all of my Mastodon posts to private? Don’t want them uncovering any of my weird shit in the Speaker of the House vetting process. 

Probably going to need to scrub my livejournal, MySpace, Facebook, and OnlyFans too.