How do you do it?


Still Back on 74.


Music is the answer.


If I gotta be up then you gotta be up.


Well it's Saturday.

I hope you enjoy laundry. Too bad you wont be able to get to it until Monday evening after you've had to wear dirty clothes or old clothes from the back of the closet.

Enjoy your day! 💖


From what I've been told today is Friday which means absolutely nothing BECAUSE ALL OF THE DAYS HAVE MESHED INTO ONE CONTINUOUS CRY OF MEDICORITY SPIT OUT BY THE HEAVENS AND SANCTIFIED IN THE DAILY RITUALISTIC WORSHIP OF THE PORCELIN THRONE!!!!

So get ready for the weekend and have a fun one!


Ok, I think I've tried being an adult long enough.


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

Let's make #today a celebration of life! 🌟 Share your moments, big or small, and boost this hashtag to shine a light on the beauty of existence. Recognizing each other fuels positivity, lifting spirits and fostering a sense of connection.

Your story matters—let's amplify it together! 💙


I’m too tired to write this out myself, so I’m using speech to text to write it for me.

That’s right. I’m tooting from my mouth.


I just went LIVE from YouTube, Twitch, and PeerTube !

Come sit with me and let's talk about everything aside from politics or religion. How's your day going? Need some encouragement? Seen any good movies? Having a bad day and need some perspective?

Come join me at

https://www.youtube.com/@mrfunkedude

https://www.twitch.tv/mrfunkedude

https://console.evmux.com/guest/5a133e98-5dd3-4bea-8589-38ede23ee5a1

#live #livestreaming #PeerTube #Twitch #YouTube


A few social media services are starting to charge people to remove ads.

The downside is obvious. First that it will effect those without money and those who are the most vulnerable. Second, to push people into the paid service, there's nothing stopping these companies from feeding those who haven't paid, the worst of the service in order to pressure them to upgrade.

Share the Fediverse with your friends. Start with https://fediverse.info and lets show them there's a better way.


I don't want student load forgiveness.

I want a student loan annulment. Let's just pretend this never happened. Okay?


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

Let's make #today a celebration of our lives! 🌟 Share your moments, big or small, and let's amplify the joy together. Remember, feeling recognized is key to good mental health. Spread positivity, lift each other up, and let #today be a reminder that every day is a gift worth sharing! 💖✨


I shouldn’t be awake.

Time to remedy that.


For those who have wondered why my hair is purple, I wrote about it back in 2019.

https://paper.wf/mrfunkedude/why-my-hair-is-purple


Please tell your mom to stop calling me. It's getting uncomfortable at this point.


Someone just tried to draw me into an online argument.

NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKER!!!


Sleep was better last night.

I just wish I could convince my girlfriend to get evaluated for a CPAP. It's like trying to sleep next to someone drowning all night. She has a moment last night where she stopped breathing every ten seconds. I had to nudge her to find a new position where she could breath. It's ridiculous.


What took you so long?


Fucking hell.

82F today
90F tomorrow

Fuck you summer! Get back in your sweaty hole! You don't belong here!!!


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

Share the love for #today posts that showcase our furry friends. Re-blog those pet stories and let's celebrate the joy our pets bring to daily life. By boosting, you're making Mastodon a place where the little paws and tails matter. You rock for helping our pet stories shine! 🌟


Have you ever contemplated your existence as a three dimensional being in the fourth dimension as an elongated worm of your past, stretching behind you, and how often you intersect with yourself and others?

Or is that just me?


Dear everyone...

Please stop trying to say a different word then the word you mean to say in order to avoid filters.

I used to do it too. I get it. Then I realized that it wasn't helping the people who for whatever reason want to avoid those topics.

I thought I was being cleaver. I wasn't. It's an act of deception. No more, no less. You may not like that people filter out those words but it's not up to you what people want to avoid and what they don't.

So stop it.

Thank you.


Well I don't feel as dead today as I did yesterday so I guess that's something.

Hopefully I can get that introduction video made for my bio.link profile. Currently I'm using my old YouTube "what to expect from this channel" video, but it's old and needs to be updated.

Also, nap time soon. I need at least another hour to feel caught up. #today


nostr:npub15tehy6ajkt0tz6a4kre4he2p2wmp4zeykyn3kxp5hmutv9y778ysnawdn7 He's trying to fulfill two promises. One that he would replace Feinstein with an African/American woman, and also because he said that he wouldn't choose amongst the three front runners for the permanent 2024 election. Other then that, I've got no clue.


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

Let's celebrate the everyday joys. When you see #today posts featuring pets or garden snapshots, hit that re-blog button. By boosting, you're amplifying the little joys in the mundane, making Mastodon a vibrant tapestry of life.

You rock for adding color to our community!


nostr:npub15tehy6ajkt0tz6a4kre4he2p2wmp4zeykyn3kxp5hmutv9y778ysnawdn7 You'd think that I'd be used to this as often as it happens. I just gotta roll with it.


Last night wasn’t much better than the night before. Looks like it’s going to be one of those weeks.


Hey everyone that’s awake while I’m sleeping!  (I’m going to sleep soon)

Send me a pic of something around you that others might consider strange!

The stranger the better!

Wake me with your oddities! (Not your odd titties please. )


Is lack of sleep + too much sugar a good or a bad thing?

I think I'm about to find out.


Dear sleep,

Fuck you for not being there for me when I needed you the most. I don't know what's going on with you but god damn it you need to start DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB!!!

Love,
       The guy who sleeps for 3 hours, wakes up for 3 hours, and then sleeps the last hour before he has to get up.


nostr:npub15tehy6ajkt0tz6a4kre4he2p2wmp4zeykyn3kxp5hmutv9y778ysnawdn7 Hot pot sounds so good right now. I'll have to talk the girlfriend into pulling out ours.


Have you left yet?


May your weekend be free of laundry.


Currently waiting for Dianne Feinsteins staff to “Weekend at Bernie’s“ her for the next senate vote.


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

#today helps us remember that life isn't just about tech and politics. Re-blog posts to create a community where expressing ourselves is a joy. Sharing daily life moments is what makes Mastodon vibrant and relatable. Your boosting contributes to the authenticity we cherish. You're awesome for making it happen!

Keep boosting and keep Mastodon real! 🌟


nostr:npub1fpr3egfa5xnfhvppkdnujqdftpsql2qfm0p3lzttefz4xggkastqcvlyph Isn't that in violation of the Geneva convention or something?  Seems like it should be a human rights violation.


I think I'll wait until tomorrow to livestream. I'm still not 100% back from my cold and want to rest some more.

I'm sure I'll feel better Friday.

So to the 3 people who watch me, I hope you'll join me Friday at 2pm PST. Check the link below to see where to watch live.

https://bio.link/mrfunkedude


I have no idea what I'm going to do #today if anything. I'm still recovering from my cold, so I'll probably just rest as much as I can.

I don't know if I'll livestream later? Depends on my energy level.


It's Thursday.

Which means you are just two days away from the weekend.

Two long, very long, days away from getting all of your house chores done.

Good luck.


Looks like I caught whatever cold my girlfriend has. Wonderful.


I simply don’t have the words.


Remember, Wednesday is the official Consensual Touch a Butt Day on the Fediverse!

So make sure to consensually touch all of the butts you can!

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/135/294/873/230/998/original/99e2f2bfcaa0cee6.png


Nipples aren't supposed to spontaneously grow on the back of your hand are they???

Wait. Never mind. It's just another mosquito bite.

Whew.

That was close.


I haven't made a video in a long time.

Hmmmm 🤔


Ok I'm back from my somewhat productive but not as long as I would have liked, nap.

I see you all still exist. Nice to know.

Now, which of you needs cheering up today? I will make threats if necessary. Please reply with the cause and I will remedy as appropriate.


Did YOU know that if you want to be a little happier today then you were yesterday, that YOU CAN???

There are little joys all around us. From the beauty of a flower, to the warmth of a genuine smile. Little joys exit everywhere if we just take a moment to look.

Let the little joys fill your heart today.


nostr:npub1fpr3egfa5xnfhvppkdnujqdftpsql2qfm0p3lzttefz4xggkastqcvlyph
Ok but if this doesn't work just let me know. I'm prepared to threaten your ankle with itchy socks if need be.

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/131/992/521/436/078/original/003d4fc94ca596fb.mp4


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

Let's break free from the tech and politics overload. When you stumble upon #today posts, hit that re-blog button. By boosting, you're helping us reconnect with the simple joys of life. Expressing ourselves and sharing daily moments is what gives Mastodon its vibrant soul.

Your support is incredible, and you rock for making it happen! 🌟


I imagine some people follow me because of the amount of people who follow me.

Ha-ha, you fools! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “Never follow a Tooter, when Boosting is on the line!"


Everyone ready to do this again tomorrow?


nostr:npub15tehy6ajkt0tz6a4kre4he2p2wmp4zeykyn3kxp5hmutv9y778ysnawdn7 OMG STAAHP! You're making me jealous! That sounds so GOOOD!


You ever notice that the one thing that chocolate and cannabis have in common is that you need to smoke/eat less the higher quality it is?

I just had an inch sized square of some high quality dark chocolate and to say that it satisfied my craving for chocolate is an understatement.


Great. "The last of us." is real.

"In what researchers suggest is the first reported case of its kind, a 61-year-old Indian mycologist appears to have contracted a rather serious case of silver leaf disease in his own throat, providing a rare example of a pathogen seemingly making an enormous leap across entire kingdoms in the tree of life."

https://www.sciencealert.com/plant-fungus-infected-a-human-in-first-reported-case-of-its-kind


What do you want to be for Halloween this year?


Well. Now you’ve done it.


And yes, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I have the maturity of a 12 year old.


Here’s a question you probably never asked yourself. If you could have an extra butt, where would you put it?


I have a tremor in my left hand that only appears when I'm holding something lightly.

And it's getting worse.

I've spoken with my doctor and he says it's due to the nerve damage in my C5 and C6 vertebrae being herniated.

It's annoying as fuck. I have to hold a fork or spoon like a toddler yet chopsticks are no problem. I have to use my left hand to record myself because Apples imaging stabilization can't keep up.

It sucks but there's not much I can do.


Do you know why I have the power to make people forget things?

No?

Excellent.


Dear butthole,

Why do you hate me today? Is it because I forgot to drink my fiber yesterday? I'm very sorry. Please be nice and forgive me. I've already drank today's amount so you should be better tomorrow.

Love,
          Funk.


Nothing more precious then my two furry little bean carrying cats SCREAMING at me to feed them when I come downstairs in the morning.

I'm pretty sure one of them called me a "mother fucker" but I can't prove it.


Can one of you let me know if it's worth getting out of bed today?


I think I may have cannabised too hard tonight.


I miss when hamburgers were sexy.


Someone has a garage door in my condo complex that is so squeaky it sounds like a small greyhound is being squished between two dungeon doors.


People have told me time and time again that using a CW means that less people will open them and engage with my content.

I don't care.

I'm not here to have the most people like me. I'm here to be myself, and part of that is offering kindness to those who may need it.

If people don't want to open a CW that's fine. Your loss. I'm still going to show kindness where I can and I encourage others to do the same.

People matter more then numbers.


The existence of free will is nullified when your pet asks for scratches.


So on todays list of things to do I have...

8am: Nothing
9am: Zilch.
10am: Nada.
11am: Zero.
12am: Jack shit.
1pm: Naught.
2pm: Nil.
3pm: Void.
4pm: Pet the dog.
5pm: Naught.
6pm: Zip.
7pm: Blank.
8pm: Goose egg.
9pm: The great abyss.
10pm: Devoid of existence.
11pm: Go to sleep.


Ugh. Body isn't happy today. Body say "You know good to me so me make you hurt!"

Body is dumb.

Dumb body.


My girlfriend is up. I know this because of the way she hacks up a lung every morning.


Just noticed my bedroom clock is two minutes ahead.

Over achiever.


I am the very model of a modern Mastadonian.
I favorite memes and boost all the dogs and cats again.
I know the defederated instance, and I quote the fights historical,
From Metas Thread to Brands.town, in order categorical.


The thing about your fifties is that you will spend more time thinking about your poop then you ever have in your life.


I’m awake.

It’s Saturday.

So far, so good. It can’t get any worse right?

Right?


What’s a “Roman empire”?


It's amazing how well things tend to work if you turn them on first.


The great thing about having the house to myself, is that I can sing the "I just took a big poop" song without any criticism.


You never forget the first time you experience amnesia.


It's BOOSTING TIME!!! 🚀🚀🚀

Embrace #today to remind us that life is about the little moments too. Re-blog posts about daily lives, fostering understanding and connection. Sharing our experiences makes Mastodon vibrant.

By helping others feel seen, you're a true community rockstar! 🌟


nostr:npub12tyk735v52ju032qahe3k2r520jlsujaem6xr8n0ex6u7eqj0anq59vnqc Watching it now!


Don't waste
your time
on me
you're already
a voice under my bed.


Hello, wonderful people! 🚀 BOOSTING TIME is here!

When you find posts tagged #today, don't hold back—re-blog them! Amplify the authenticity and connection these stories bring. By helping others feel understood and seen, you're a vital part of what makes Mastodon special. Keep boosting and embracing the beauty of daily lives!

You rock! 🌟


Good Thursday my friends!

This is just your reminder to SLAY THE DAY!!!

Make Thursday rue the day it decided to get in the way of Friday.

You look Thursday straight in the eyes and say "Not today ass wipe!".

Thursday? May as well be turdsday!

Now go forth! Slay the day and remind it that YOU WILL NOT BE STOPPED!!!

(Or you know, just try to have a nice day or something. I don't know. You do you.)


You'll never guess what I'm doing right now. #WrongAnswersOnly

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/060/020/935/137/203/original/2aacc1ef1b6872d6.jpeg


For a place of education you'd think I wouldn't be the only one wearing a mask right now.

But here I am.

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/060/003/178/865/823/original/fb5d3fb5225b8e91.jpeg


Omg she's totally flirting back with this guy too. Girl, you better check your "asshole radar" because it should be going off right now.


Currently trying to not listen to this dude behind me talk to this chick about how some other dude is sketchy.

I smell a "nice guy".


I hear that Mexico found aliens from the Planet "Mâché".

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/059/212/087/674/603/original/fca1b093c7e917de.png


Sometimes when we are mad and angry, we lash out at the ones we feel the safest with.

We all do this occasionally, but when we do it consistently, we risk alienating those we care about or who have stood with us.

Be mindful of your anger. Unchecked, no matter how righteous it may feel, can lead us down a path of isolation and regret.


In an effort to balance out my morning toots, I'd just like to say that I'm looking forward to taking my daughter (24) to her appointment today just so that I can spend a little more time with her.

She's a good person and shaping up to becoming a fine adult. I'm proud of her efforts.


nostr:npub15tehy6ajkt0tz6a4kre4he2p2wmp4zeykyn3kxp5hmutv9y778ysnawdn7 Sorry if I'm coming off negative this morning. It must be the lack of sleep.


Want to make your digital life easier on yourself? Just follow the "If it has nothing to do with you shut the fuck up" method!

Are you a white person who see's another white person being called a racist and you want to defend them?

NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Feel like telling someone their existence is wrong?

NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Shutting the fuck up is a proven method to prevent yourself from becoming an asshole.

Try it today!


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

#today brings us closer, reminding us that life is more than what's on the news. Re-blog posts to create a community where understanding and connection thrive. Sharing our daily lives is what makes Mastodon vibrant. Your boost matters, you're awesome!

Keep boosting and keeping the spirit alive! 🌟


MagSafe uses Magnets? No way! #AppleEvent


Another day, another chance to go back to bed.


Oh Burt. What have you done now? 😳

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/030/742/517/091/425/original/2a4a8845b61a0c4c.jpeg


It's time to BOOST! 🚀

#today connects us through shared experiences. Re-blog posts to create a community where understanding and connection thrive. Remember, it's our daily lives that make Mastodon vibrant and unique. Your boosting helps build a platform where everyone's voice matters. You're awesome for making this happen!

Keep boosting and keep the spirit alive! 🌟


Hey, everyone! 🚀

Ready to BOOST? #today is the perfect hashtag for that! Re-blog posts sharing daily lives and let's create a space where everyone feels understood and connected. It's these personal stories that add vibrance to Mastodon. By helping others feel seen, you're absolutely awesome!

Keep boosting and keep inspiring! 🌟


I hope that you have a good day today.

I hope that you feel love, and are able to express love.

I hope that you smile for something joyful.

I hope that you are able to practice kindness.

I hope that you are able to offer someone patience.

And most of all, I hope you are able to touch a butt (consensually).

Even if it's just your own.


To the people who are already awake, my condolences.