I’m going to go as a slutty speaker of the house 

 Can y’all believe we get cat pictures for free? 

 Jesus, seriously let a dog be speaker now 

 

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/190/495/355/646/513/original/3836b583f0e06664.jpeg 

 I think I’m the Speaker of Mastodon. Y’all try to remove me and I will burn this place down 

 If they say McCarthy 3 times on the floor does Boebert give everyone a hand job? 

 I love you Taylor haters. More for me. 

 How does Washington have a score of 1? @48023ed7 

 This isn’t the mouthwash I ordered 

#CatsOfMastodon #Caturday #Cats

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/156/560/979/506/006/original/3da7ba5af936c588.jpeg 

 Gunna tell my kids this is Elon

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/151/261/341/366/037/original/2ae9ec4f2c98a799.jpeg 

 I let my hot pocket cool this morning. That, my friends, is growth. 

 Girl math is thinking take out food is free because you don’t want to cook 

 Leaving for a while to go spend time with my real friends, The Sims 

 I had no idea that’s how limes were born

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/132/904/571/376/598/original/cd1d39785df7deaf.jpeg 

 Hide n seek 

#CatsOfMastodon

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/132/191/119/519/985/original/d261a8617e021aaa.jpeg 

 I’m a big Woody fan 

#HornySports 

 Dying over the fact that if Drew Barrymore had just waited a bit longer..her image wouldn’t be absolute shit but alas…….. 

 Dolphins have 69 points 

Noice

#HornySports 

 Cool to see the #Bears dressing up as a football team early for Halloween @1071bda7 #NFL 

 Oh look at Love running. Nice #Packers #NFL @1071bda7 

 Did I just see someone reply guy a bot? 

 I’m starting to get mad at touchdowns @48023ed7 #CollegeFootball #Colorado 

 Deion Sanders is going to win the Heisman 😹 @48023ed7 #CollegeFootball #Colorado 

 [sets my alarm back even further] @48023ed7 #Colorado #CollegeFootball 

 Waiting for that Angel’s news like 👀

#MLB #Angels @573e8f49 

 Bout time he does the gagging instead of all of us 

 My nephew is playing Emoji Bingo at daycare right now and I could not be more jealous 

 I am also going on strike 

 JFC Vikings. You’re supposed to take things, not give @1071bda7 #NFL 

 Y’all lol

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/059/031/462/238/340/original/9883903ee1501d0e.jpeg 

 I shouldn’t be a free range adult 

 

https://cdn.masto.host/tootersorg/media_attachments/files/111/055/623/581/825/008/original/334d51daa2b41467.jpeg 

 I don’t know who needs to hear this but sir this is a Wendy’s 

 Tacos are too easy to make, right? Something so good should be more complicated. 

:tacocat: 

 As the first person to move a bed in the history of the world. It’s really hard. Zero stars. 

 Give me every jets fans face right now. It gives me life @1071bda7 #NFL #MNF 

 I’m very tired. You must be nice to me today. 

 Police: we need the public’s help capturing the escapee 

Me: you going to help with my work too or nah? 

 Happy #NFLKickoff :nfl: :nfl_chiefs: :lions:  to all those who celebrate and sorry to those who don’t 

#NFL #NFLFOOTBALL @1071bda7 

 RICO is exactly why I don’t have friends 

 It’s really offensive how much my smoke alarm goes off when I’m cooking