50 degrees in March: Windows open. Short-sleeved shirts. Iced coffee.

50 degrees in September: Furnace on. Hoodie sweatshirts. 
Octoberfest. 🎃😁☕️ 

 If you see me walking thru a drive-thru today, mind your own. 

 @7fb41edd 
I Wanna Be A Croc Star⭐️😂⭐️

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/188/971/757/396/636/original/c8d688fc4efaf5e8.jpg 

 No…that wasn’t my sexy walk
I have a hip that goes out. 

 Is it still humor if I have to explain it? 

 On the phone with my 72 uear old Aunt. 

Me: Well, it’s almost dinner time!
 
Her: No, it’s time for drinks. 

 Unable to decide if my exhaustion is from the heat or living through a constant barrage of historic events for the past 7 years. 

 So much WINNING. 😂😂😂

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/173/211/906/304/195/original/6c02d876b4d8c979.jpg 

 And just like that, Kevin McCarthy has been removed as Speaker of the House.

Moral: Perhaps Kevin should have cared about governing instead of only caring about the title. 

Bye Kevin 👋 

 Mondays is the guest who always turns up at your house much earlier than you wanted. 

 Me: Oh... how you complete me.

Him: Who are you talking to?

Me: My coffee 

 ‘DON’T GET BLOOD ON ANYTHING!’—me, being a kind and loving grandparent when my grandkid has a nosebleed. 

 Happy Saturday! ☘️
Is it still raining in your world? 
Sending Midwest sunshine and heat your way along with good weekend vibes. 💚☘️💚
@96a215a6 

 It's RED Friday in KCMO! 

📷: Kent Auf Der Heide.

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/151/254/391/347/690/original/c81728d329031e34.jpg 

 It's sweat-er weather. ☠️

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/149/175/525/580/766/original/ef9d9af4ce432c2e.jpg 

 Adulthood is when you constantly diet and exercise so you can maintain being 15lbs overweight. 

 Doing lunch with a much younger gf. 
Everything is nice, and then she says, 
"I need relationship advice." and proceeds with a long blah, blah, blah story. 
Once she quits with her troubled talk, she looks to me for answers.
<Long pause>
Me: "Girl, we need to go find a dispensary. " 

 Is this the point in my life when I move to Costa Rica and take up internet poker? 

 My grown daughter today: 

"Being an adult is whispering 'f&ck this' while doing it anyway."

She has arrived. 

 LETICIA JAMES

Say her name. 🙌 

 "Hey, did you hear... Donald Trump is a fraud. " ☠️

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/133/503/227/947/182/original/3d95fb1055f24fb4.jpg 

 Them: Do you want to eat 8 oz of sour cream?
Me: Ewww...no.
Them: What if we add ranch seasoning and a bag of chips?
Me: Oh…well, yeah. Where's my chips. 

 <seeing a random friend at the supermarket>

Oh hey what’s up! I didn’t know you liked groceries. 

 Being an adult means you have a total of 3 friends and they all live in different parts of the country and periodically you just send each other videos of weird stuff and say “this made me think of you.” 

 Coffee...life's starter fluid. 

 Ice cream does not help with football stress. 

#NFL 

 "Oh, please, STOP already. Just give me the Jardiance and shut up," she yelled at the TV. 

 I think Aaron Rodgers found science today.

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/070/697/722/088/283/original/98eb3f3701e9f24e.jpg 

 Evangelicals... 
I'm completely aghast at the lack of rational thinking. 

It's  Ranty Rant Friday at my place. 

 WTAF is NBC doing airing an interview with Inmate P01135809? 

 @b0f1f646 
A little toot says it's your
BIRTHDAY! 🎉🥳🎉
Wishing you a big slice of happiness today! 🎂
Happy Happy Birthday! 🥳🎉🥳 

 Sorry I couldn't answer the door when you stopped by unannounced, but there was traffic. 

 He bought cheap toilet paper.

I thought he understood me. 

 Kevin McCarthy: "We will go where the evidence takes us."

Me: "So you're going nowhere." 

 I patiently sat through a 67-hour story about my granddaughter’s dream and then said, "Wow, Poppi would love to hear this." 

 Some mornings, I wake up refreshed and ready to take on the day! Today isn't one of those mornings, for the 546th morning in a row. 

 I'm reserving my excitement until Apple releases the iFlask. 

 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that was a vase...
would you mind if I kept it until I've finished my drink? 

 ~sitting here drinking my coffee like a boss. ☕️ 

 Tonight's background music has forced my decision:
My favorite Celine Dion song is the one where it's muted all the way through. 

 Yep... it's my morning! 

*walks upstairs

*checks 'work out' off To-Do list 

 The food is on the bar and drinks are starting to flow.
 🍻🍕🍻🌮🍻
Tonight is the first game of the 
#NFL Season 2023 🏈
Our team in KC is playing and 
WE LOVE OUR CHIEFS!!! ❤️ 💛
Kickoff is 7:22 CST 
#LionsVsChiefs
#ChiefsKingdom
#KCChiefs

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/026/211/669/132/746/original/043ba776415147f5.jpg

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/026/212/102/323/027/original/1558d67866dbe8a9.jpg 

 Sending sparkles ✨️love ❤️ & all the good vibes! 🤗

@b8c9eff1 

 Postmaster: "How's it going?"  

Me: "Yeah, good you?" 

Postmaster: "No, I mean how you sending the parcel."
 
Won't be leaving my house for a while. 

 Nice coffee flavored water, dear.  
I'm brewing the next pot. 

 I had a few glasses of wine (because I'm off work for a while) before I trimmed the hedge because a well~trimmed hedge is an abomination. 

 Molly's take on #Bleptember

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/111/013/303/148/145/013/original/128485e6d1c9800b.jpg 

 I would cry but I can't risk losing body fluids. 😩 🔥🔥

https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/110/917/257/941/830/333/original/1e6f550638158d70.jpg 

 If you want to hide something from me, put it on my voicemail.