I’m pretty much in so between life and death in limbo in between happiness and sadness in between success and downright failure. But what I know is that this family has been so unhelpful and has caused so much stress in my life I have lost everything for them. They have cost me so much screwed up my life and I regret everything I regret leaving my family I regret leaving my sons.

Anyhow, that’s all in the past that’s what I do now that’s what work out what I’m doing now is trying to make a name for myself as successful Name make a life for myself success and wealth happiness if I want to include these people, it’s my decision even I want to leave them behind. It’s my decision , I do not owe them anything I will be successful I am successful I am everything they strive. They wish they could be. They have nothing I have everything they can only wish that they come just 10% of what I could do. They can only wish that they have just 10% of my potential, they can only wish but they can never do. I am their maker. I am the savior and I am the destroyer.

I am wealth in Car. I am successful, money flows to me endlessly. I am forever successful I am success. I have all the money in the world that I can ever wish for I can spend as much as I want without stress without doubt, money flows to me, endlessly with ease without suffering , I am content I am happiness. I am wealth. 

 This morning all hell broke loose. Caught. I knew my life that I knew all along is coming to an end. My new life is about to begin, hopefully for the better for myself and for my loved ones the funny thing is I did this exact same thing three times already and for the same reason and each time I destroy everything that I loved let me tell you how it all began, it might not be coherent but I guess I’m just rambling. I do hope you are able to understand? Maybe? But here goes.

I had a pretty good life growing up. My parents were white collar workers I guess well technically my dad wasn’t Engineer and my mom was at housewife. We were expat in foreign country. I went to an international school at close friends until one day bought me back to my home country.

The thing is, I don’t know what I am anymore. I tried to be a good person. I was always polite, helpful technically a teachers pet. I was smart, intelligent, but I was weak, mentally weak. I tried to please all people around me was successful weren’t I guess that’s just me nobody really taken me seriously I was acting way too young for my age I would say I was a mature, even though I felt I was mature for the most part, but I wasn’t strong. Mentally I couldn’t keep up with the pressure, so I just went along with whatever there is, people told me, I was a leader people think I am a leader, but I guess I’m just a follower, or that guy who is second in command never really wanting to take the spotlight and support the leader, but who cares I like to act behind the scene you know people think I’m outgoing, scared shitless anyways back to my story.

The three times I have made the greatest mistakes in my life for most people I guess making the mistakes just one time is enough and they learn from it grow from it become a better person because of it but I guess I’m a hardheaded person and it has taken me three times of doing the same mistake Carbon copy and losing family over over again to make me realize this should end let me just go through each after mistakes the three same old mistakes that happened in short form I guess and maybe some other days I will come and elaborate more on each of the mistakes But let’s see.

Mistake number 1: I feel head over heels with with an ex colleague. It was the first time that I had a girlfriend since I don’t know when maybe 3-4 years. At first we decided that we were going to be in a relationship in order to get married and start a family. Our timeframe was two years, but somehow got reduced to less than one. It was a quick, whirlwind romance, but torture as hell as I fell head over heels over her she wanted some space she didn’t like some of my actions, my thoughts my meaning she wanted me to do some things that I don’t like what the hell I did anyway, I stole money from my workplace. I committed so many white-collar crimes I would say in order to please the woman that I fell, for it was to show that I could support and take care of her, we agreed to share the expenses of the wedding half-and-half but at the end it was just me paying for the wedding. I maxed out my credit card max all my loans every bitcoin. Every thing that I had I sold it I stole for my mom, her jewelry, her watch cash anything goes I even convince my mom to take a loan out of her house that she had paid for in order to obtain dowry to give to her parents. Lo and behold, two days before the wedding I got called into the office, and I got caught and tried to talk me out of it, but I got caught red-handed they found out I was been taken cash from the cash registry so many times there were records of me getting cash out to pay for non-existent supplies and whatever I’m going to detail later.

So what happened is that they called me after the wedding after the weekend to come back to the office and they put me in the cold room basically admitted everything and had to pay everything back in return for not informing the authorities. I took the gold the diaries that they have Given back to me to hold on to pay for all those things worth over hundreds of thousands had to pawned in order to repay what I took to be honest I don’t even know how much I took. Maybe I paid back too much maybe not enough I don’t know, but I was out of a job and job hunting to keep the illusion of me continuing to have a job and income I continue to pawn gold from my in-laws in order to take care of my wife, I got caught at the end my ex-wife to see the gold that I have kept in “storage”.  At that time she was pregnant I had no home no house to go to. I was too shy to embarrass to head back home. My wife didn’t want me near her even though she was pregnant I was sleeping in the car for weeks on end Uber throughout the night and throughout the day this was something that I did after lost my main job during the day but now that I’ve got caught, I did the whole day and night just to pay. I applied for jobs went to countless interviews. It took forever to get one, but at the end, I guess I got it, and managed to repay for the items that I pawned I guess I had my family back after almost a year in the wilderness. A beautiful baby was born soon after. I didn’t bought a house very expensive house so that will be a family again.

Something happened one day after almost a year in a very beautiful house with a good paying job. I guess I became distracted. My private life was a mess there was no love. There was so many arguments. I didn’t even get a nice hug. I need someone close I need a friend so I bought a friend and she became someone that I could throw away everything that have built in a matter of month I threw away my family used to be with her and I knew it was worth it because now I had a happy life had had someone who loved me who took care of me who cared for me who called me who looked me in the eyes and felt that I was the greatest person in the world.

I moved. I left my first family. I force my wife to divorce me you know for me to move on and didn’t care about my wife I knew my baby was gonna be all right but I just need to take care of myself. 

Flash forward almost a year. In the meantime, we had agreed to get married we moved in together. Everything was going well. You know personal life, and then something struck my work life. I was out of a job out of the blue, and this came a couple of days before our wedding ceremony, and I had nothing saved up , I thought I could manage. I called my now current wife that I have nothing left, but I told her not to worry I’ll think of something and I had some money stored up in everything in something in cryptocurrency, but in the truth is, I had nothing left. I created a fake check in order to pay the diary of my new in-laws, I stole the credit card of my grandmother in law in order to pay for the hotel room and the wedding banquet. Somehow all along I thought things would be better so soon and I could get the cash out and we pay back everything before they notice. This was my reasoning all along I’ll just borrow this amount and repay back without them, knowing this was the same reason I had the first time I stole, my ones and this is the same. I used again in order for my wife not to worry about money and guess what I got caught. I got caught bedtime I had pawn my grandma in law’s gold necklace and accessory and borrow some cash to pay for the dowry, I told her it was for my work to pay for my staff salary. The truth is I did pay for some of it, but most of it went to my mother-in-law Man so I had to pay the remaining amount of the dowry to my mother-in-law, and the cash that I owed to my grandmother law that I borrowed it was just to pay for this stupid tradition.

I sold everything my Motor Bike my wife’s watch her bag my watch so many items you know we pay back this things that I had stolen and get it back from the pawnshop . And behold, after a couple months, the kind of forgive me never fully trusted me until maybe a couple months ago.

One day I found out I was not getting paid. What did I do? I had to pay for my mother-in-law, my wife and my grandma and what expense have the house and also some amount that I had borrowed from a few friends were almost threatening me came to my house to look for me. So I did what I had to. I stole again thinking I could pay it back before they found out and guess what after almost 6 months they did. I just needed an extra month to get the cash out and repay the items I took out.

My reasoning was, I didn’t want my wife to be hurt to be sad to worry about money. I didn’t want her to wake up and worry about money. She wakes up and worry about money I got caught early this morning. It’s been over 12 hours of me, reflecting my actions And what I have done I have decided to turn a new leaf it’s gonna be that easy. I started deleting things sinful things. I started praying asking for forgiveness asking for one last chance and I will be redeemed. I want my family back I want to repay the kindness that they have provided me these past three years, I’m still savage person. I want him to love me I want to feel love is my punishment I guess it’s just rambling here but I hope you know this is actually the first time I told the whole story to anybody. Of course there are some details I left out, but I guess one day I will, come back to it and hash it out with all the details.

I would like to ask for forgiveness for a second chance I guess it’s a third chance or a final chance to be able to live a whole some life with a family that I love and care tell the truth fight together, live together care, love till death do us part in sickness, and in health through all times. if anyone is reading this, please pray for me. I want to turn a new leaf I say I’m already turning a new leaf but I’m sure there’s something deep down inside me that will do this again if given the opportunity when will, I learn, I pray, prayed and asked for forgiveness from the gods and angels give me one final chance to make this right please keep me in your prayers I want to make this work. Thank you so much for reading my life story.

#lifestory #livinghell #forgiveness #redemption 

 Hello this is my first post on this platform, and I do hope to be able to share some of my deepest thoughts and feelings with all of you. There are some things I just want to share without showing who I am. With the privacy of this platform, I hope all my inner thoughts dreams, hopes and despair can be publicly shown.

#introduction https://image.nostr.build/039697a70062522b48d1660c23fdd8c46e2ce2cd929fa545299edb05adb3d5e7.jpg