It’s been a day where my heart and mind are heavy. 

Amidst the stress of trying to figure out how to make a living and adapting to a new country, I awoke to the news of a tumor being found in my father. The biopsy for it is a few days away to find out if it is cancerous. 

I didn’t know how to react to that news as my father and I have not been close since I was a child. We differ greatly in just about every single one of our beliefs and that has caused my family and I to be distant for most of my adult life. 

It was in the afternoon that I finally broke down and cried. My heart is so heavy with the weight of life right now. 

 As I slip my body under the bed sheets, I remember you. You shattered me into a million fragmented pieces of a rainbow. Before you were here, I was free. I touched myself with the desire of a thousand suns and found myself in perfect company with my mind.

But when you arrived, the turmoil began and I have not been the same. You kissed my lips and I was set ablaze, burning from the bottoms of my feet all the way through the tips of my fingers. You were a chaotic passion that killed me from within and gave me life that I had never before experienced.

I remember when your fingers inserted themselves into my soul and dug into the flesh of my heart. You latched on with a scorching rage that filled me with blue flames and glaciers of ice. Nothing made sense and everything was whole and broken. No one but you existed. I don't think I even existed. It was all you. You and me, but you made me you.

Your touch, your gaze, your lips, your teeth sinking into my flesh......

I remember how everything stood still when you caressed my jaw. Golden rays pierced through me and I became weightless in the beauty of your flaws, and I was made new.

No clothes, just perfect tension, radiating between the bodies of two lovers as the music of the universe overtook all senses and emotion and the world stood still for their souls as they melded together. Nothing, and everything all at once, was created in your eyes and spewed from your lips onto my tongue and I swallowed it with fervor.

I was feverish for you in the moments we were separated. I felt the world was dying without you, but I was fading when in your presence and I did not want it to end. You smelled like honey and tasted like bleach. Enticing and repulsive, I craved you like a glass of wine every hour of the day.

As I sit here, I cannot help but imagine that it never started...it never ended...you never existed.

But take me in your arms once again and touch me. Touch me as if I am the last desperate breath of a dying man who just wants to see the sun rise once more.

Take me home and lay me down in our bed. Give me the desperation of your heart and make me one with your soul again. Slip your honey through my lips and let me take in every acidic part of you so that I may never be empty again.

No amount of you will be enough and I will crave you through the end of time. 

 Hello world! I gave up writing a few years ago as I felt that I wasn’t as good as so many others in the world. I never studied creative writing, but I always enjoyed being able to pour out my thoughts and the inner workings of my soul. I am choosing to share these thoughts and feelings with the hopes that someone else can also connect with what seems to ooze put of me. 

#introductions