Chase the Girl
There is still a percentage of women out there who are, I would almost say, “trapped” in an old fashioned way of thinking, feeling, and longing. I know it’s common place these days for women to portray the strong, independent, successful, air of not needing a man or giving off this sense of a man being a bonus that she’s simply adding to her life should she feel the desire to do so in anyway. Let me premise this with saying that I am in no way advocating against this type of behavior. It’s important that all women (and men) be able to hold their head up in pride of their accomplishments, their strengths, their stories of survival through roadblocks, challenges, tragedies, devastation, adversity, biases, doubt, ridicule, and pure expectation or verbal assertion of the inability to even do so. There is a level of respect that does feel like it has to be earned as a woman in this modern world. I don’t necessarily agree that “earning” it is the right sentiment but nonetheless, it does feel like that is the case in many situations.
This strong woman “movement” does seem to show a possibly undesirable (again only to some) side effect in men. Remember anything I write is just a personal perspective with its own opinions and beliefs attached. What I feel like I’m seeing though is the cautious man. I wasn’t around 100 years ago and I cannot speak from personal experience but if I rely on whatever history my mind has recorded with story telling or memories of a childhood 30 years passed, then what I come up with is a different type of pursuing being done by men back then than what we see today.
I know much of this comes down to the roles women and men have and now do play in society and communities as a whole and the culture of said societies and communities. I am an almost 40 year old American who has lived her whole life in the states and only visited other countries temporarily, that is to say not fully immersed myself by living abroad any amount of time, AND also done almost all my traveling in English speaking countries. From this background comes my accumulated viewpoint of where I’m going.
Men aren’t the predators in the dating field anymore. They don’t just see a pretty girl, strike up a contract with the father and claim them (thankfully so). They don’t call on them and take them on long chaperoned walks to get a feel for their skills and capabilities of contributing to a healthy family life. They don’t attend debutante balls and vie against other men to win their affections. They barely even approach a girl in a coffee shop, strike up a conversation, or ask for a number for fear of coming across as arrogant or creepy. Men are shier, less forward, at times even awkward navigating the guessing game of what’s going to impress a woman and what’s going to close her off completely at the get go. They’re never really sure how far to take something, how fast to take something, when to back off and when to just give up completely. A lot of times the result is to leave the ball in the woman’s court.
That’s okay for a lot of women, possibly most women. It may even be preferable. For some of us though, we are never going to get anywhere if you show no aggression whatsoever. I fall into the category of an old fashioned girl. At least that’s what I’m going to call it. We as women, believe it or not, even in our 40s can be totally lost on the proper social cues of attracting a mate. Some of us are shy, or feel undeserving, or clueless, or scared. Some of us actually believe all we have to do is be pretty and then the men will arrive. For me this comes from a deep psychological reaction to how I am attracted to someone. If I were to explore my own feelings on the matter, I would admit that the process of pursing, of making the first move, of not relenting at the first sign of defeat, of going the extra mile and putting in the work all carries a carnal masculinity that draws me. Sometimes I turn it into a game, not always intentionally or even consciously where I try to put the roadblocks in because I want to see someone want it enough to not give up. I want a man to “be a man” and I know this term has no actual definition these days but if you use your imagination for just a moment we might be able to come to an agreement on what it is Im trying to get across.
This can be super tricky on the mans part though because there is a definite art to doing it successfully. It’s very easy to overdo it or take it too far. Sometimes a girl can be generally uninterested and not sure how to show it leaving a man to look like a fool or actually be annoying in every sense possible. I get this and I feel for you guys. The more we move toward equality, the less fair the world seems. It’s like every improvement requires a sacrifice of something else. Im just of the opinion that some of the sacrifices were more costly than the reward.
I don’t want to make the first move unless the first move is a smile when you catch my eye to reassure you it’s okay to take a chance. I want to be wooed and courted and swept off my feet. I mean yes, Im sure everyone does, but I want to be selfish about it. I want to just be pretty and wait. That’s not to say that Im not going to keep improving my mind, my skills, my perspective, my horizon in the mean time. Im not going to have nothing to offer when you do arrive and put in the effort. Im not going to leave you completely hanging but I may leave you hanging once or twice. All Im saying is don’t be afraid to go for it especially in a situation where you may never see the girl again. In that case what is there to lose? Don’t let the first setback hold you back permanently. Get back up and keep running. After all tag wasn’t just a game you played when you were a child in elementary school, was it?
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