quick thoughts: 
+ chose to focus on the impact or the method, but usually not both, so the imagination does the rest
+ interjecting short snippets of inner state (ie thoughts/dialogue/emotions) helps immerse
- avoid external / historical references or anyy calcs, basically anything that engages the system 2 (analytical) usually breaks the flow, action excitement is all about emotional reaction, usually system 1 domain

hope that helps!