Be honest

Which of these seems like a better pitch to a normie?

a)
When you spend Bitcoin, it creates tiny capital gains taxes, which nobody wants to keep track of.  So to avoid this, when you buy Bitcoin on a KYC exchange, you should then mix it with hackers and criminals, which immediately lowers it's value, and can be seized if you deposit it back on the exchange.  But this is just to then deposit it into a channel, which you might want to self-host with $500 worth, but it could be a smaller amount with the right non-custodial wallet.  Make sure to backup your channels by saving that information, in-case the lightning wallet provider screws you over, which happened with a few US-based ones during the previous crackdowns.  Now if the other person is online, you can send them layer 2 coins, which can't be traced.  So you can argue to the tax authorities that you spent the original layer 1 Bitcoin when you mixed it with criminal coins.  And then they should be will be willing to accept that you owe no tax, even though Bitcoin's price went to the moon.  Just ignore the fact that they jailed other people for tax evasion, because those convicted felons didn't do it right.  Those other people didn't separate their identity from the activity of the coins, but you're going to master this better than them, despite no experience.  Because you can count on me to teach you.  Next I'll go over how you can receive coins for your business, and then separate the fluctuating value from that business.  Bitcoin is freedom.

b)
Use Monero.  There are liquid global peer-to-peer markets with reliable arbitrators, so from the perspective of your bank, you're just paying some random dude.  But even if you get it on a KYC exchange in your name, the moment you buy it, it becomes completely untraceable, and so you can say you spent or lost it, and effortlessly pay no tax.  It costs 1 penny to send.