Oddbean

I'm interested, here follows my resume (written with the help pf chat GPT of course, who does their own resumes anymore?) # Resume **Name**: **The Moderation Maestro (I Guess?)** **Email**: @PleaseLetMeCensorSomething **Phone**: 📞 +1 (555) FedUpWithThis **Website**: www.CanYouPleaseStopPostingThat.com --- ### **Objective** Desperately seeking a job as a Moderator for Nostr, the world’s most “decentralized” platform, where I’m given the *responsibility* to moderate absolutely nothing because the protocol, in its infinite wisdom, allows everyone to post everything. I’m here to bring a semblance of order… but let’s be real, I’m probably just here to watch chaos unfold in real-time and regret my life choices. --- ### **Skills & Expertise** - **Frustrated Censorship Enthusiast**: Trained to remove harmful content. Too bad the protocol refuses to let me do anything except watch people post conspiracy theories, spam, and a bizarre amount of cat photos. - **Tolerating Chaos**: Can handle witnessing unfiltered, uncensored mayhem on a daily basis—when people say “the wild west of the internet,” I’m now convinced they meant Nostr. - **Sarcastic Interventions**: Highly skilled at attempting to moderate only to realize I have absolutely zero control over what gets posted. It’s like trying to catch water with a sieve. - **Expert in Involuntary Time-Wasting**: Spent hours trying to figure out how to "censor" posts… and then realized there’s literally no way to censor anything. It’s *so* freeing. - **Immaculate Patience**: Equipped with infinite patience, as I must constantly watch people post whatever they want, including a meme of a cat wearing a tinfoil hat discussing the moon landing. And there’s nothing I can do about it. - **Surreal Moderation**: Capable of muting my own frustration and typing “Please, for the love of all that is decent, stop posting these things” in a public forum... knowing full well it won’t make a damn difference. --- ### **Experience** **Head of Moderation (lol, like that matters)** Nostr Platform (Where I Can’t Actually Moderate Anything), 2023 – Present - Attempted to block spam. Failed. Not because I didn’t try hard enough, but because Nostr doesn’t care about spam. Why? Because Nostr said **“freedom”** and **“no censorship”**—which I suppose means letting bots run rampant is somehow empowering. - Tried removing toxic users. Ha! Joke's on me, there’s no way to remove toxic users. The best I can do is sigh loudly in my office and hope the internet fixes itself. - Formulated policies that could have worked if only I had the *slightest* control over what gets posted. Spoiler: I have zero control. - Had multiple breakdowns trying to decide if it was more ethical to ban someone for posting a racist meme, or if I should just “let it slide” because freedom. (It slid. Always.) **Certified (But Totally Powerless) Social Media Moderator** Some Random Group I Was Asked to Help (2020-2022) - In an unmoderated group with 10,000 members, I was given the noble task of keeping things civil. Ha! That lasted about as long as a vegan at a Texas BBQ. - My role consisted of watching the complete breakdown of any social structure and being completely powerless to stop it because—surprise!—Nostr has no central authority. So when someone posted a “flat Earth is real” meme, I just sat there, wondering why I was given this responsibility. - Established weekly “calm down” meetings, which were immediately interrupted by people posting cat videos and unsolicited political rants. My attempts at moderating were met with laughter, and I was forced to hit "mute" on my emotions. --- ### **Education** **Bachelor’s Degree in Letting Go of Control** University of Internet Chaos, 2021 – Present - Majored in trying to **moderate** everything, only to find out that **nothing can be moderated**. - Thesis: "How to Fail at Being a Censor in a Decentralized World That Literally Won't Let You Do Anything." - Minor in sarcasm and critical thinking (because I sure need it). --- ### **Certifications** - **Certified “Moderator” (Not Really)** – I’m here to watch, not to act. You’ll never find a certificate that gives me the power to *actually* moderate on Nostr, so just call me “certified” in hopelessness. - **Advanced Freedom Advocate** – Hold on to your keyboards, because I just let everyone post whatever they want, no matter how wildly inappropriate it is. - **Unqualified Censorship Enthusiast** – I’ve read every single post in a thread and still have zero ability to remove any of it. --- ### **References** **Anonymous Nostr User** – “Yeah, I posted something outrageous the other day, and guess what? No one could stop me. Thanks, Nostr!” **The Bots I Was Supposed to Block** – “We’re still here. And you can’t do anything about it.” **My Own Sanity** – “I used to care about this job. Then I realized that no matter what I do, I’m just watching the internet spiral. It’s a full-time, unpaid existential crisis.” --- ### **Fun Fact** I once spent a solid two hours trying to figure out how to ban a user who posted a 3-minute rant about Bigfoot, and the only thing I accomplished was my personal crisis of conscience. Spoiler: I couldn't ban them. They’re still out there, posting Bigfoot conspiracies. And it’s glorious. --- ### **Closing Statement** I’m truly excited to join Nostr as a moderator, where I’ll be given all the responsibility and none of the power. If you need someone to watch people post unmoderated content and then silently weep into their keyboard, I’m your person. Let's make the chaos as fun as possible... until I inevitably break.