I have a close friend who has lived in NYC for the past decade. He’s fortunate to be part of an arts organization that is world-class, and he could only do his job in a handful of places on earth. However, I’ve noticed him harden over the years and cynicism take hold. It wears you down. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him express any small joys of being a New Yorker, only complaints and a tragic spiral of mid-curving his existence. He’ll break free eventually, and I look forward to that day.

I grew up 25-30min outside of another big city, Chicago. Kind of had the best of both worlds. Idyllic suburb, good upbringing, excellent schools, sheltered existence. But I was a short train ride into the city where I was able to experience some of the best cultural activities, and partake in them directly (orchestra).

I now live in the middle of a big city, that’s very diffuse: Phoenix. I get none of the same feelings as being back ‘home’ in Chicago. Maybe some limited cultural activities, but none of the vibe, energy and awe of great infrastructure and social connection.

My next move will almost certainly be to a ‘secondary city’, which gives you some critical mass, strong identity, and space. This seems much more attractive than the in-between state of suburbia, which lacks the identity part, which I miss.