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 It turns out that trying to run a VPN on a horribly intermittent mobile connection only makes it worse by blocking whatever little traffic you may have been able to get through without trying to reestablish the tunnel. 🫠 
 VPN protocols introduce a hefty overhead that is often overlooked. 
A workaround is to use a proxy server (socks5, http) that you control and have _that_ be the VPN.
Gluetun can do that - it saves some of the overhead, but isn't as encapsulated, mind you.
Still, gets the job done. Carriers only see one constant connection, and that's it.
fly.io offers a free VM-thing - this should have ample resources to run this =) 
 It requires a bit of a pipe and you're dealing with a coffee stirrer.  
 When facing such connection issues I used ssh tunnel so each request goes via already established TCP connection.