I learned from him that the wish to tell someone *absolutely* everything is both beautiful and ultimately utopian in a problematic way. We all have within us ambivalences, doubts, unfair thoughts that could cause irrevocable damage if shared. At least in love (of all forms) and relationships that matter to us, we wouldn’t want to rub the other person constantly up against the most troubling sides of our psyche, hence the need to edit. Not to be untruthful or deceitful, but to give the better gift of a thoughtful, lovingly edited version of our thoughts. 

As wonderful as we might think it would be, “we should hope that we don’t meet the fullest version of each other all the time”. Caring about someone comes with the role of lightly editing ourselves out of love. 

Now if you don’t care about the person or the relationship or being kind for the sake of being kind, might as well not spend your time there at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️