To: Life
Cc: Death 
Subject: Performance Overview
From: Earth <noreply@Earth.now>

 Ive been going over your files and regrettably Earth will no longer be needing your services. Im sure this isnt coming as a surprise as we've had to have communications like this before. We feel we've given you ample time and multiple chances to fix the problems. We are therefore letting you go based on these reasons. 

1- Everyone is fucking miserable.
 The inhabitants of Earth have, as a whole, not been enjoying the services you provide. In fact things have been handled so poorly on your end labels had to be given to some the more notable periods. IE: The Dark Ages - The Black Death - The Great Depression - World War (not just one but two and counting). This behaviour is unacceptable. 
2- You blatantly disregard your duties. 
  You were given the task of balancing experiences on Earth. It's clearly stated in your contract that each user was to be given equal amounts of all types of emotional encounters before they leave. However you have taken it upon yourself to administer so many negative experiences most users that have signed up for your service dont want it anymore. A specific example that was brought to my attention was the statement "makes life worth living". This poses a serious problem. We hired you to make "life worth living". With the title and position bestowed upon you the statement should read "Life makes life worth living". Signing up for your services should not require the participants to go on an endless scavenger hunt just to find a few small things that allow them to endure the constant stream of negative shit you throw at them. 
3- Death, while being a co-worker, is not your partner. 
  Death was hired on for a very different purpose. This is why you dont work in the same department. Deaths job is very clear "end the user experience when they are no longer able to continue". The idea behind this structure is over time after a user has experienced everything they can Death would be a last resort scenario. Your poor work performance has ruined the project so badly we now have users looking forward to meeting Death. At this point I need to express to you how damaging this is to the project. Death was hired to introduce an element of fear. Due to your poor performance Death is now looked upon with anticipation. Along with this topic the Opt Out and Reset Functions are not within acceptable Earth parameters. They do not represent the spirit of the project. 

Your admission into the Earth project has produced results so horribly catastrophic that users barely even enjoy interacting with each other. There is currently a strong push of users reverently working at feverish speeds to create and improve on services revolving around the goal of 'not' having to interact with each other anymore. This is unacceptable. 

We can only hope your time here has taught you lessons that will better serve you in your next venture. Your contract is not being renewed, nor will it ever be.