Had to go to the warehouse because of company wide "work buddy" policy. 2 people have to be present during operation of heavy equipment. 
I'm literally playing on my phone while my "buddy" is crushing pallets in a fork lift.

[Massive crunching/breaking sounds]

Him: LoL oops, gunna have to scrap that pallet. 

Me: STOP FUCKING UP OUR CHRISTMAS BONUS YOU DIRTY FUCKSTICK!