Prenup advice for someone who makes triple their future spouse and she will stay at home once we start having kids?


Get a lawyer


Don't her married


We both already have one


Check how enforceable prenups actually are in your jurisdiction. Don't necessarily trust your lawyer, search for recent cases


Yikes

….Tread carefully my brotha

…if y’all  have multiple children close in age “stay at home mom” is not a cake walk

….imho…make sure this is gonna be ur forever wife and find a way to make it work…u know “death do us part” and all

…if u ain’t sure then a prenup is the least of perspective problems🤷🏽♂

I’ve spent 36 years teaching my lovely wife to live with disappointment…and we’ve always found a way to make it work😂🤣

My advice: 1) don’t fight…but u will…so 2) when u do fight fight fair…don’t drag up a bunch o crap from the past and don’t impulsively say some sh*t u can’t unsay…and 3) say “I love you” as often as u can and kiss her goodbye every morning…that is all…my 3 steps to a successful marriage (full disclosure: I’ve f*cked a lot of that stuff up but the Good Lord sent me someone with great coping skillz😊)

Jus one idgits opinion


Don't get married if you feel like you need a prenup. Till death do you part or not. Make your decision.


Get over yourself Rothschild.

Get married like a regular person.


Yeah, this one.


You do have a prenup; it's the state default one.

But I hear ya 🤝🫂


Everyone has a prenup, just the default one is the shitty state version


The prenup exists regardless, just you chose to use the one the state creates for you. The existence of the prenup has Jack shit to do with an escape hatch. But I have a very positive networth, a house and a business that I built before the marriage. Coming from a divorced family, and the statistics of divorce say getting a prenup is smart, it in no way insinuates I want the marriage to end, in fact the opposite. It means if it were to end, things should go back to the way they were before the marriage.


What about it


In Missouri, my understanding as long as both people have lawyers it's enforceable. Plus my work pays for my lawyer.


Definitely this is my forever woman. There are texts I have saved from when we were dating in the city about the homestead life I wanted to build and her saying how amazing that would be and here we are years later and I'm contemplating whether a milk cow would be a good wedding gift for her while I'm cooking sausage and eggs I raised from the ground.

Tell me more about the stay at home life.


Explain how that follows logically


Do you know what marriage means? The logic is you are not two seperate individuals after marriage. You are one entity until death parts you. If anything else parts you before death, it's on you both. So, before getting married, consider that fact. If you think something besides death may art you, then you're not ready for marriage.


The state does not define my marriage. God does.


Coming from a divorced family, I understand and want this yes. But I am not niave about statistics. With no fault divorce existing and the existence of shitty laws you never know how society can influence a person, even we'll meaning. For example, who's to say I don't end up in jail for a lifetime like Ross ulbrict for a victimless crime? I don't think she would divorce me for that, but I myself would say after I'd been in jail for certain number of years and exhausted appeals that I would tell her to divorce me. Same if I was paralyzed. I will never myself ask for a divorce but shit is complicated dude and no one goes into a marriage wanting a divorce yet 50% of marriages fail.


Did you get a marriage license?


A prenup doesn't make divorce more of an option. No one starts a marriage thinking they'll divorce. But both of us come from divorced parents so we're not naive that it COULD happen to anyone.
If the incentives of a prenup are setup to make it easier to leave then you have a fucked up prenup. In our context, I have multiple businesses that revolve around my home because it's farming, I also will inheret property from my family. In the prenup I really just want the house and the businesses to remain mine because otherwise I would have to start a new farm from scratch which in my mind means I would simply leave farming. All of the other assets built up during the marriage still become common property, but the things I had before aren't.

Round number example, cash stored in the mattress) .
If I had 100k before the marriage, then 10 years into the marriage I have 1 million. I basically would leave with 5.1 million. This is fair.


My opinion of a stay at home/trad wife may not apply to y’all’s actual experience but…

 imho if yall can pull it off ur kids and family will prolly be more connected and grounded

The lack of second income will likely create friction at times and u may not always appreciate the amount of energy she will expend in the day to day raising of kids (…those lil turds can  and will be a handful at times😳🤣) while juggling the other aspects of stay at home wife/mom. Is she gonna be cleaning?, doing most of the cooking?, any outside work(yard work, gardening, animals)? …if yes she’ll be a working “beast” although it’ll be hard to appreciate in terms of filthy fiat “status”

I think (full disclosure: I’m an idgit and wrong a lot), if u are fortunate enuf  to be able to afford it and y’all are a united front with realistic expectations, the long term benefits in terms of family unity and functionality will have been worth the sacrificed second income.

…I work in a hospital and I still haven’t met a single person in the ICU that wishes they’d worked a few extra days/years…but there are plenty that wished they’d spent more time with family and frenz🤷🏽♂

Good luck my digital fren🌅


Then have kids , live together and just don't get married. Seems like you are missing the point of marriage.


Sure but it means nothing to us. We didn't ask for it. The state gave it to us.


In concept something like the assets or split of the assets you have entering the marriage with should be the assets or split of the assets after the marriage but The value growth of those assets and benefits created during the time of the marriage split equally. If either one of you is skipping an opportunity to build their own assets to contribute to the marriage that should be reflected or agreed to be evaluated at the conclusion. Potentially with a cash flow or a different split of the assets.

If the prenup were defined as your business assets are 100% yours after the divorce, and all your efforts during the marriage go into growing the value of that asset and all her efforts go into home maintenance and childcare etc, freeing you to devote fully to building your assets, and then at the end there is no consideration of her contribution to your business assets growth then I would say that’s fucked up.

In the event of the divorce custody of the children would need to be another consideration. A cash flow would need to follow the children’s custody. If she ends up with 100% custody you need to continue covering the costs of the needs of your children.

I would error on the side of your future wife being better off than what you think a strictly fair distribution would be.    The sacrafices, assets and capital she will be building for your union in this scenario will not exist on a ledger but are real and should be accounted for.

I’m not a lawyer. You asked for random opinions from strangers on the internet.


don't forget in case of tragedy....relatives & state of law


irrevocable living trust maybe


That's not my understanding of how marriage licenses work. You didn't go into the office and get one before you got married?


Thanks. Yeah my salary alone is way more than the average and median household income and I work from home. So luckily I do farm chores morning noon and night and still can cover all of our expenses and invest.

Definitely think the stay at home wife/mom is underrated hardwork


Yes, but this was to legally recognize a name change and not really to do with the actual marital ceremony.


women never forget anything , always dredge up the past and they never fight fair. unless she is on a homested RIGHT NOW, she will never agree to anything less than luxury.

30% of all married women have a back up dude.

90% of all single women have a roster.

Do not do anything without a prenup. Hide all your assets. ensure 20-30 years of poverty and struggle ... tell her ahead of time that you have little wealth.

even still, marriages are slated for divorce. those that do not end in divorce are miserable.


She's on the farm now, runs the garden and does my chores with the animals if I travel or get sick. Has done this for nearly 3 years.

When you get a prenup, you can't legally hide assets, or if you can, I'm too poor for that lol.


Seeing all these replies from people that appear to be morally off put by prenups...

A marriage as it occurs in our time is not a contract between two people, not a contract with God. It is a contract between two people and the state. If a prenup is something that is abhorrent in some way, then why is a marriage license not also abhorrent? If it's about love and trust, then why not just be "married" in your hearts, in the eyes of God, however you see it, and forego the contract entirely? I'll answer: because it is, always, about the contract.

I'm "married" like that, pair bonded, the commitment is between us, the love is as iron clad as with anyone that is legally married. But there's no contract between us and the state. It is about trust for us, we trust each other so much that we don't need that legal agreement.

Why would we? Tax benefits for one. Inheritance, structuring or property ownership, that stuff. We will enter into agreement with the state insofar as our pairing when it makes financial sense for us to do so. It will change nothing between us emotionally or as a matter of trust in one another, all of that is already eestablished between us. And when doing that, we will probably draw up that contract on our own terms rather than those of the state, what you'd call a prenup, to both our liking.

On your question, you need the advice of a lawyer, not advice from random people here, and you need to discuss between you and your wife what is fair to both of you beforehand.


If it means nothing to you, why'd you get it?


You can just change your name for a fee any time you want, no marriage license necessary.

A marriage license has very little if anything to do with the ceremony.


What's the point of marriage and if it is something other than a legally binding contract with the government, why is the core distinction between being married and unmarried the existence of a contract with the government?


Your response was refreshing. I do have a lawyer, we both do, was just curious if I could farm any additional insight from others with experience as I know Noone with one


Idk, just going through the steps on autopilot I suppose. Getting married is a whirlwind until after the ceremony. After the vows is bliss.


Sure, but it does make it easier. Also might have been something with our pastor wanting it. I can't really remember it's been so long.


Seems pretty disingenuous to say that the state doesn't define your marriage then. I am specifically getting married in Colorado because you don't apply or request a marriage license, you notify them after the fact. Also you can self solemnize your marriage, even though we have someone marrying us, they're not ordained because, I'm not requesting permission from anyone to marry, state or organized religion.


The state did define it, that doesn't mean they do define it for me. That's for them. The state doesn't define shit for me. Free men don't ask.


You litterally asked when you got a marriage license.


How are you not getting this? I didn't ask anyone to get married but God. Getting a marriage license from the state does not equate to asking permission from the state.


How does it not? The state doesn't HAVE to give you a marriage license.


Because acquiring a license is not acquiring permission by your own admission. You just said that...


sounds like you're good to go.