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Yall altready have one root cause outlined in outbox model. Damus does not have this today, whereas Coracle does, and other apps do.
Keep in mind:
-there is not one single spec or implementation of outbox - these differ
-primal relay aggregator model means that you will see different set of notes compared to apps with the manual relay config like damus
-app-relay interaction is a field itself; for instance damus has known took for improvement here. Sometimes apps and relays dont have the best connection, and this is not necessarily apparent from the UI. This means that even if you have a relay on your list, there may be connection issues