My takeaway from the dream is that returning to North Carolina was a fatal mistake. It was a misbegotten attempt to earn my parents love.
In the dream, I explained to Patti LuPone how, all of Sinéad’s life and career was an attempt to earn her abusive mother’s unobtainable love, though I don’t know if Sinéad ever saw it that way. She certainly didn’t explicitly connect those dots, but when you look at her discography and autobiography together, it is very clear.
On waking, I see that that’s what I was trying to do, too. In my case, I would say that not only is my parents “love” unobtainable, I would find it low quality even if I ever ever “earned” it.

I need to get out of North Carolina. There is nothing for me here, in terms of opportunity or people. It’s just an endless grind towards something I don’t even really want.