So some secret shady node runner decided to abuse my brand new nothing burger node by opening a channel, circular spending a bunch of SATs to Wallet of Satoshi and closing the channel. All in the space of a few hours. 

Did I lose anything, no. Funds are safu. Well, as safu any any coin can be in a hot wallet.

But I have a drastically reduced amount spendable on lightning so need to open another channel, and of course, as soon as this need arises, fees go up again.

Kudos to you anon for washing your SATs so successfully.