Something I’ve learned over the years is that being helpful comes off as hurtful and being callous comes off as  caring. 

People hate when you believe in them and think they can be more, because then they feel pressured to change. To endure discomfort. 

People love when you treat them like low agency losers who are incapable of change, because then they can stay comfortable. 

To me the latter feels like callous disregard and the former feels like loving guidance. 

But somehow it’s reversed in the minds of most recipients.