On Honesty #It'sOn

Happy Sunday. I thought it might interest you to know that I was "reunited" with a college friend whom I haven't talked to for decades. She called me on Friday and we talked for a long time. It was remarkable because our conversation was easy and full of asides. I told her that was the hallmark of true friendship, that we are able to "pick up where we left off" given the sheer number of years since we last connected. At some point we talked about family and she had an uncanny insight into what I was going through. It was as if she knew exactly why it is you all are behaving so strangely. Which is why I decided to write this. She said something to the effect of my sisters can't help me. She said that my sisters are no longer part of my community, but she is. My sisters are unable to help me because they are trying to be like me, because they put me on a pedestal and they want to reach the pedestal also. She made it seem like you guys are ruthless about being able to get to the top. But I countered that I'm not that special, that my sisters are wrong about me, if they put me on a pedestal. I also told her that getting to the top requires bravery, as in true bravery, not "faking it." Which is to say, it requires authenticity. But she was insistent that at least for a while, my sisters cannot be there for me no matter how sad that is. This reminds me of something Mona said when Sulafa and I took her out for a birthday dinner at RPM in DC. I was asking them why it is I am unable to buy a house even though I have secured mortgages a few times but for some reason I couldn't get to the closing. What was the trick since both Sulafa and Mona bought houses. They seemed uninterested in my question, and at some point, Mona turned to me and said plainly, "they can't help you." To this day I don't know what she meant by that. Did she mean my family, did she mean the table next to us, because all of a sudden a girl from that table got up to stand between our tables, eerily close to me, kicked her leg out to pose dramatically for a photograph. She was impossibly tall but I dared not look at her face. Anyways, I thought it was important to "share" this finding with you. I keep being accused of "lashing out" because I am sending the group these emails. The truth is, these emails are the opposite of lashing out; I am providing you with visibility and disclosure with regards to the "behavior" of others. That is not lashing out but full honesty. Do with it as you deem fit.