I just had a force close of a lightning channel in the midst of all this for who knows what damn reason. And not willing to eat the cost for another with current fees. Also, neither that nor liquid will resolve my current desire to whirlpool some btc before moving to cold storage. 

 Don't use whirlpool in a high fee environment

LN is private enough 

 Look, I am truly happy for you and everyone else who can weather this current evironment. But some people are not in a good place finacially, and some of us are in that position through no fault of our own. Try losing a very good career over a injection mandate and not being able to do what you have done for two decades because the entire semiconductor industry is jab happy and having to resort to a fucking part time dishwasher job to barely pay the bills. So next time you want to talk down to someone, maybe take a step back and know the whole story. 

 When putting onchain UTXO's into cold storage you need to lower your time preferance. Why are they going into cold storage? Because they won't be spent for a long time. So give it some time.

Now you know that you need larger UTXO's after your force close, wait till you get fees that you think are reasonable to send into whirlpool.

With a bit of wizardry in LN and you don't really need to coinjoin. But now might not be the best time to be opening channels.

BTW I worked as a dishwasher for years. Put on bitcoin podcasts or audiobooks so you can learn at the same time (which offsets the low pay). 

 Do you really think I dont know all this? Im annoyed with fees, not lacking knowledge.  

 And please dont assume shit about what I know or if I was or wasnt prepared. Its called I am fucking in financial ruin after being put in a very fucked up situation that lead to me having to live off everything I had saved and seeling off every asset I had at a LOSS to keep food on the table and the lights on and now am barely getting by. Ya'll fuckers just love to sit in judgement and make assumptions about people who are in fucked up situations. This is why I cant fuck 99% of bitcoin people. Bunch of fucking snobs 

 You weren't prepared

I'm not assuming anything 

Let me remind you gently. On chain is for long term savings in larger denominations. LN is for everyday spending.

Don't know who you're trying to fuck... There are no women in bitcoin 

 What part of wanting to move to cold storage do you not fucking understand? I dont really give a fuck about lightning right now. I need to mix and send to hardware. Which I just fucking said. So save your fucking lectures.